Where the Past and the Future meet (attn. Kathleen Sedai)

[Elessar]

.. Caught between Moments ..

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Elessar Telcontar, bonded Warder and veteran Gaidin of many years, was lost in a Dance of the Blade.

A soft northern breeze blew through the Warders Yard that morning as the Borderlander went through the forms. In the calmness of the Void, the Gaidin felt detached from the world around him as he moved with experience and assurance. The sword was a part of him as he leapt to strike, bent to defend, went high and then low, moving from one form into another, slicing through the air with his blade and moving with agility and swift footwork to get his imaginary opponent off balance.

He stopped for a moment, catching his breath. To keep an edge one had to train again and again. No matter one’s experience or skill. There was always something which could be bettered. Always something to perfect.

That had been his way ever since that time long ago in his youth when he had decided that what he wanted for his life was to become a Warder. He had worked hard at excelling at everything he did ever since.

He was a man six foot three tall with a fairly dark complexion, short dark hair and hard dark eyes. He had a strong build (a result of hard physical training over many years) and also some battle-scars, most prominent was one across his abdomen. In fury over the death of his mother and his inability to prevent it, he had shaved off his forked beard (so common in Kandori men) long ago and had never re-grown it.

And I never will, he thought intently to himself, as he readied himself for another spell.

Unfolding the Fan, the opening move, which flowed into Low Wind Rising, a diagonal slash which began low and rose cleanly, followed by The Boar Rushes Down the Mountain, a vertical slash starting high and which in this case altered course in midswing, paired with Tower of Morning, a verticle slash but this time beginning low and ending high.

Sweat beaded on his brow and chest by the time he was finished.

In the back of his mind he felt his bondholder Carys Aes Sedai some way away in the White Tower. She had matters to take care of and had risen early that morning. Sheathing his sword, he sighed. She was wearing herself out - again - or at least that was his opinion. He would not tell her so to her face, of course. He recalled well some of their previous.. discussions.. on the subject up through the years since their bonding. It did not stop him worrying, though. Shaking his head, he suddenly became aware of someone watching him from a little way off.

Looking more closely at the person he saw that it was an Aes Sedai, and from her shawl she was a Sister of the Green. Having been bonded to a Green Sedai in his younger years, the late Leandreen - a strong woman with emerald eyes and fiery hair that matched her temper, especially when it came to darkfriends - he had much respect for the Ajah.

Giving the Sister a polite bow, he said:

“Good Morning, Aes Sedai.”

He looked again at her Green shawl, memories of his years fighting the Shadow at Leandreen’s side coming to the fore.

Without thinking, he whispered: “We stand ready.”

He was not sure if she had heard, but in that timeless moment he caught himself thinking back on that time so many years before.

Leandreen.

I was a different man back then, he thought to himself. But then again, perhaps not so different after all.

Memories gripped him - and he was caught between moments.
 

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Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Kathleen]

Kathleen sat at her desk rereading the letter she had received moments before. Her fingers ran slowly along the edge of the paper as she tried to process the message within. It shook her, but she had been expecting it for some time. It was not truly her decision what happened next, but she would have to prepare to roll with whatever punches came because of the news. 

 

Careful to follow the pre-folded edges the Green put the note back in the envelope it came in and tucked in a drawer in her desk. Wordlessly she took up her green shawl and let it fall on her shoulders. This was her life. It was her choice. But she couldn't hold anyone else to it just because she wished the would make that choice too. 

 

Lost in thoughts on the impact that letter could have on her life Kathleen wandered through the tower and out to the warder's yard. She scanned the yards and watched the men who swore their lives to the Tower. Normally she came to judge the quailty of men the tower guard was putting out. These men were supposed to be the best non channeling defence in the world and Kathleen wanted to be sure that the men defending her sisters and the next generations of Aes Sedai were up to the challenge of defending those who can defend themselves. It would be harder than than these men thought.

 

Today she was not there to judge their mettle though. She was there  to remanice and wonder over the resovle of these mens bonds to the Tower. Some wouldn't last through training, others still would leave when the Tower Guard became a bore. Granted there weren't often many of those. It was more common to watch the men who grew old pledging their lives to the Tower leave when they couldn't do the job after too many years. There were down sides to living the length an Aes Sedai did, and Kathleen feared she was young enough still that the true sorrow of watching the young age before her hadn't fully hit her yet.

 

Still others of these men seemed to have lived many life times. Kathleen's eyes fell on well worn body of the warder dancing with practiced grace. His strikes hit just right and his balance seemed flawless. She stayed lost in her thoughts as he moved from form to form. She had seen him with the yellow, and she had heard whispers that he had been with the greens for a time. She didn't know the sister, and she didn't know the man, but she found herself watching him and wondering if he knew how rare it was to find someone with the strength he must have to stand by so much pain, so much change and stay so devoted to his cause. 

 

Oh it wasn't hard to find people like that inside the Ajah halls, and it wasn't hard to find a soldier willing to go to his death in a battle he knows he can't win, but must fight. But to find a man willing to go into battle after battle, go in through the fire of it and come back out just to jump back in again time and time again. How many battles had this man gone in not because he thought the cause of war worthy, but because his oath to defend compelled him? Yet here he stood carrying on far after he had need to continue.

 

Kathleen sighed, and here I stand judging a man I do not know, simply on whispers and wishes I have of others. By the time she came back to her full mind it was too late to pull her gaze away and leave without comment. He had seen her watching him and he was already on his way over.

 

“Good Morning, Aes Sedai.” as he approached, his gaze dropped to her shawl and she just barely heard his whispered breath, “We stand ready.”
 

She could see his attention was elsewhere, but he had spoken to her so she replied, "Always." she said, her tone flat, though hushed, commanding the fact as simply that. "Good morning to you as well, gaidan. You hold your form well." She complimented, cutting off before she could add any thoughts on the drop in need from being the warder of a green to a yellow. 

 

Kathleen Vandiar

Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah

[Elessar]

.. An Echo of a Wounded Soul ..

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Her spoken words brought him back to himself.

"Good morning to you as well, Gaidin. You hold your form well."

His eyes lost their faraway look and he focused on the woman who had spoken.

The Aes Sedai.

His eyes fastened once again on her Green Shawl, but then he met her eyes and replied:

“Thank you, Aes Sedai”, he said, appreciating her compliment. His words were spoken with some formality as was often his way. “At my age”, he added with a dark grin, “I have to train vigorously to avoid stabbing myself in the foot.”

He thought of the young Warder trainees going through the motions on the other side of the Warder’s Yard. So eager to learn. So eager to take on the world. So full of life.

“You should have seen me in my younger days.” He said with a smile. “Oh, I was a little faster then, though not so experienced or wise, and so ready to take on the Shadow!” A pensive look came over his eyes. “Then I met Leandreen.”
 

●

Leandreen. I am so sorry.

“A Sister of the Green, like yourself.” He nodded, indicating her shawl. “Together we travelled the land, on missions for the Tower, and fought the Shadow wherever we could. “

There was pride in his voice.

“It was what we lived for.”

His face tensed then.


It was what you died for, my Sedai.

And I failed in my duty to you.


An ache in the back of his mind, that had been gone for a long time, reemerged for a moment.


My life before yours, I promised.

I failed you, Leandreen.

Forgive me.

 

●

There was pain in his hard eyes, an echo of a wounded soul, emotional grief that he had thought buried long ago.

 

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Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Kathleen]

“Thank you, Aes Sedai”, he said, “At my age I have to train vigorously to avoid stabbing myself in the foot.” Kathleen saw the joke in the man's slight grin, but it still put her slightly on edge to be reminded of age. True she had just been musing over her own age and of the future to come, but there were certain thing you did not discuss, not with a near perfect stanger of course. For both spending so many of their years learning the ways of the world side by side in the Tower grounds it still amazed her completely different at their core the warders were, even to the greens. Both the focus and skill study to save the world, to fight the shadow in the most direct of ways, yet they were so different in the smallest details of how they approach it.

 

She watched the fire flash in the man's eyes as he discussed his younger days, and saw it fall out of his entire being at the name of his lost Aes Sedai. Perhaps they weren't all that different at their cores themselves. How would she handle it if she lost her warder? She had lost a few Sister's since she gained the shawl. She had been in the room when she lost her mother so many years ago, but loosing a bond was something else intirely and she didn't know if it was something she could go on from. A lot of people couldn't. For this man to have made a new start, and to stay with Tower after to have the physical reminder day in and out...well, that spoke volumes of him.
 

He continued to speak but she knew his mind wasn't truly with her. She didn't mind though, she could pay her own respect for the fallen sister on his mind. “A Sister of the Green, like yourself, he noted with a nod to Kathleen's shawl “Together we travelled the land, on missions for the Tower, and fought the Shadow wherever we could.“ Kathleen saw the fire come back to his eyes as he spoke of it.  “It was what we lived for.”

 

"A cause worth fighting for. A cause worth dying for." Kathleen said, trying to lighten the mood she added, "For what that's worth coming from me." 

 

There was no point trying to lighten anything though, they were talking about a fallen sister and a youth long past for both. This was nothing to laugh over and she felt deep respect for the topic, whether she had known the sister or not was not important, there were all one. "We still fight that fight where ever we go. We pick up from where the others left off and we carry on to complete their mission as long we can.  Even if our travel companions and our methods may change over the years. We carry on the pride and we carry on the fight, in our own ways."

 

Kathleen Vandiar

Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah

 

[Elessar]

.. A Cause Worth Living For ..

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"A cause worth fighting for. A cause worth dying for." Kathleen said.

Elessar heard the spoken words as if in a haze. He nodded almost without being aware of it.

Leandreen. Forgive me.

"We still fight that fight where ever we go.” The Green Sister added. “We pick up from where the others left off and we carry on to complete their mission as long we can. Even if our travel companions and our methods may change over the years. We carry on the pride and we carry on the fight, in our own ways."

Those words penetrated the Gaidin’s mental haze and his eyes focused on the Aes Sedai anew. He nodded to himself, seeing the truth - and wisdom - in her words. “You are right, of course”. He said. There was a short pause. Then he added, almost in a whisper, to himself, “But we carry with us the memories.. sometimes painful ones at that.” Though the pain was not all gone from his eyes, there was a spark there now, a fire which he kept alive. “Still, as you say”, he added, “we carry on. It is our duty.”

Our duty to the fallen, he thought. I owe you that, Leandreen.

Something to fight for. Something to die for.

A cause worth living for.

 

●

Deep inside a part of him felt concern that the memories of Leandreen - and the strong emotion connected to them - had resurfaced after all this time. He had gone through a difficult period mentally before and at the time he was bonded by Carys those several years ago - she had bonded him to save his life, but his feeling of inadequacy had not disappeared immediately despite his new duty - and it had taken him quite some time to become himself again, to bury the shame of failure that he had felt and which had slowly eaten away at his soul since the death of his Sedais. He tried not to let his concern show, but it was hard to tell if he was successful.

Brushing the thoughts of concern aside, for the moment, his face brightened a little and his eyes lit up. He was a Warder of the White Tower and he knew his duty. He would not fail again.

I will not.

He studied the woman before him, the Sister of the Green. He did not think he had seen her before today. The Green Ajah had many members and he only knew of a few from his time with Leandreen many years before. Her Aes Sedai-face was ageless but something about her eyes spoke of some age and life experience, or at least that was his impression. Suddenly he realized something. Shaking his head slightly, he faced her squarely.

“Forgive me for my lack of manners, Aes Sedai.” He gave a Warder’s salute. “I forget myself. I am Elessar of Kandor.”

 

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Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Kathleen]

The man seemed to pull back out of his own mind at Kathleen's words, but she knew he was still speaking to himself when he whispered, “But we carry with us the memories.. sometimes painful ones at that.” She nodded agreement to the thought just the same.

 

The man seemed to go back into his thoughts and Kathleen so wondered what so possessed him in this moment that he continued to think of it as they spoke. She had never had a bond severed through death but watching this man lost in the obvious thoughts of he past Aes Sedai drew such strong emotions of pity and fear through her that it was difficult to continue watching. She had seen many people lose loved ones, and she had lost some of her own, but it was always hard to let herself dwell on that sorrow.

 

She couldn't image how she would move on should Nevuel not make it back from battle with her. It was one thing to lose him through aging, that was something she knew she would have to face eventually, yet something she couldn't face in this time either. Loosing him when she was supposed to be protecting him in a battle would be something so much worse than she could imagine.  She could be losing him shortly; that letter could change everything. That letter could take him away and she may never see him again. It wouldn't be death in battle with her, but it could mean the end of there time together. She pulled herself out of her thoughts before she could be drawn back too far into them.

 

As uncomfortable as she was in this spiral of thoughts, and as disengaged as she knew they both were, she couldn't bring herself to excuse herself when this man was speaking with her. Especially when it was a matter of respect for her fallen sister and her warder. She would just have to suck up her discomfort at the topic and carry on. The man was right, it was a matter of duty, and she did carry that. 

 

“Forgive me for my lack of manners, Aes Sedai.” He gave a Warder’s salute. “I forget myself. I am Elessar of Kandor.” It seemed the man found himself amid the surreal conversation of the duel reflection the two had been locked in, and introduced himself. She had been lost in her own thoughts, and so caught off guard at having been caught staring at him practice that she hadn't noticed they had skipped that step in meeting. 

 

"I'll forgive yours if you forgive mine," she smiled, "It is been good to meet you, Elessar. I am Kathleen, Sister of the Green Ajah, as you have clearly picked up on." she shifted the shawl on her shoulders as she spoke. "My room is open to you for a cup of tea and more conversation,should ever you find yourself in the Green halls. Until then though, is there something I can help you with?" 

 

Light, let him have more of a reason for approaching me than having seen me staring! she thought, forcing down the panic over having to think of a reason on the fly for why she would have been watching him so intently. I'll just ask him if he has seen my warder and knows where he may be. I do have let him know that letter, as much as I don't want to.

 

~ Kathleen Vandiar

Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah

[Elessar]

.. Memories and Reflections ..

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Elessar of Kandor.

Right after he spoke those words, he wondered why he had added ‘of Kandor’. Once he had left his former homeland for the White Tower those many years ago, Kandor had ceased to be his home. He would always be a Borderlander in a way, it was part of his history, but Tar Valon had become his new home and had been so ever since.

He had not thought of Kandor for a long time.

But I am a man of Kandor, he thought. A man cannot discard part of himself.

As he listened to the Aes Sedai’s words, part of his mind drifted, reminiscing his early years in the Borderlands.

 

●

A second son of a minor Kandoran House, Elessar had been brought up by a harsh and unloving father and a kind but repressed mother-figure. His father, a proud man of dark skin with angry dark eyes and a hard face, had insisted he become a soldier and from an early age had started weapon’s training, and physical training, with him, pushing him hard and unrelentingly. Elessar had endured and in time had started to enjoy the physical exertions and had become better with the sword. As he had grown he had developed a strong muscular build and good fitness and in the many staged spar-fights he most often had won against the other boys on the manor (boys of servants mostly). His elder brother Valdherien had been more politically minded, the heir to the estate and title, and had not cared much for the weapon’s training, while Elessar’s younger brother Vehran usually had watched in awe while his older brother had fought. Elessar had not taken much interest in politics himself but had enjoyed reading and - at times - writing poetry, something his father had deplored (a waste he had said) but his mother had approved of.

When Elessar had neared the age of 17 he had decided he would go to the White Tower in Tar Valon and join the Warders. He had wanted to excel at swordplay and who better to be his teachers than the fabled Gaidin. His father had been proud of him while his mother, though understanding - as did all Borderlanders - his eagerness to stand against the minions of the Shadow - had looked at him with pride and kindness but also worry for the harshness she had seen in her son. She had known he was kind at heart and very loyal, he had always been that, but he had often pushed himself too hard and excelling almost had become an obsession with him, an obsession she had been afraid would destroy him one day.

A short time before he had left for Tar Valon his mother had died of a fatal illness. She had been sick for quite a while but Elessar had somehow believed she would pull through, and her death had created a coldness inside him and a fury that he had not been able to save her..

Mother.

Her memory was strong in his mind and soul.

Forgive me, that I could not save you.

 

●

His full attention and focus returned to the Green Sister before him.

"I'll forgive yours if you forgive mine," she smiled, "It is been good to meet you, Elessar. I am Kathleen, Sister of the Green Ajah, as you have clearly picked up on."

She shifted the shawl on her shoulders as she spoke.

"My room is open to you for a cup of tea and more conversation, should ever you find yourself in the Green halls. Until then though, is there something I can help you with?"

Elessar appreciated her words.

“Thank you for your kindness, Kathleen Aes Sedai” Elessar replied. “I am glad to meet you too”.

“And I would be honoured to speak some more with you another time”, he added with a smile.

“As for helping me”, he said with mock-gravity, a small grin touching his lips, “perhaps you could find - and ask - my dear bondholder, Carys Aes Sedai of the Yellow Ajah, if she would kindly stop being so very busy in the infirmary and the Tower and find us something more exciting to do, before her Warder dies of boredom?”

The words were not spoken with disrespect of his Sedai; he had great respect for Carys’ hard and very beneficial work for the White Tower and bonding a Yellow Sister was, after all, not the same as bonding say a Green who often would lead a more active life in service to the White Tower. Even so, he could not dispel the feeling that in his current situation he was not making use of his full potential as a Warder.

His mind momentarily went back to the few missions and journeys he and his Sedai had made in the years they had been bonded and he had to admit that those were the times he had enjoyed the most. He quickly got restless after a period in the White Tower and longed for a more active service. He kept his inner feelings to himself, however. He did his duty without complain. Carys deserved no less.

“In truth though”, he added lightly, “I am probably too old for battles and such, so it’s just as well, I presume, that I am stationed here.” His eyes gave him away, however.

He shifted his gaze to a group of Warder-students who were learning sword forms in another part of the Warder’s Yard. “Those young men, on the other hand”, he said pointing to the hard working group, “soon they will be ready for anything.”

Except failure. He stilled the tiny voice in the back of his mind. Learn from the past.

Facing the Green Sister again, he said: “If I may ask, Kathleen Aes Sedai, do I know of your Warder?”

He presumed she had one, or several, since very few Battle Ajah Sisters went without. It was necessary in their often active - and dangerous - service for the White Tower. A Warder watched a Sedai’s back and kept her alive in battle - and safety often lay in numbers. The Green Ajah had many dedicated Warders. They served with honour, as Elessar knew well.

 

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Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Kathleen]

Kathleen held off the showing of the shock that hit her when the warder asked her to speak to his bonded. After the years of service he clearly held, she thought he would know how taboo such a suggestion, even in jest, would be. Perhaps it was the years of service that made him relax so, but this man hardly knew her. He knew enough to know the ajah was different and that should have been enough of a reason to never suggest such a thought about the one he was bonded to. If she had been another that slip could have meant any amount of political gain over his Aes Sedai. However Kathleen held no interest in pulling others down or sticking her nose where it didn't belong. If she was going to move up any ladders she would do it on her own merits, not on disproving the merits of others. 

 

She did understand where the man was coming from. She was never one to sit for long. She had trained for a purpose, and to sit idle was the hardest strain she had to deal with. Even Green's were expected to put in a few years of staying within the Tower every few decades, but those were always the hardest years. She couldn't image switching her life's focus from the warrior lifestyle of a Green to the subdued and quiet life of a yellow, so she found herself feeling pity for the man who had done just that standing before her. Perhaps there was some excitement in traveling the world and healing the wounded after the battles, but even that seemed mild compared to the life she had gotten used to, let alone to be stuck at the white tower dealing with the mundane injuries in the infirmary. How the warder was holding up when he wasn't even the one doing the healing was certainly a question she had. But surely he had accepted this life when he accepted the bond of the Yellow. 

 

 “I am probably too old for battles and such, so it’s just as well, I presume, that I am stationed here. Those young men, on the other hand”, the warder said, pointing away to hide the truth his eyes betrayed, “soon they will be ready for anything.”

 

'"They will only know what to be ready for because of the likes of men like you have prepared them. I'd still put my coin two to one on you over any of them, based on what I saw of your skill a few moments ago. They may have speed, but haste is often the beginning of failure; a lesson I'm sure your years have taught you, and one those others will learn only through a few good years of experience. 

 

“If I may ask, Kathleen Aes Sedai," the man asked, "do I know of your Warder?”

 

"You may well know him, yes, but I'd not be surprised if your paths have not crossed. We aren't often in the Tower, and when we are its usually a quick rest up and back on the mounts. His name is Nevuel Strior. He was a borderlander himself, though from Arafel. If you would like to meet with him I can tell him to expect you. When we are home he stays mostly to the Green halls or checking up on the training of the new generation of Tower Guards, under the guise of keeping himself ready, of course," she smiled and laughed under her words. 

 

~ Kathleen

Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah

[Elessar]

.. An Echo of things to Come ..

►▼◄

Elessar listened to Kathleen’s words, knowing the truth beneath them.

The young Warder-students would only know what to be ready for because of the likes of men like him - seasoned Warders - having prepared them. She would still put her coin two to one on him over any of them based on what she had seen of his skill a few moments before. They may have speed, but haste was often the beginning of failure; a lesson she were sure his years had taught him, and one those others would learn only through a few good years of experience.

He gave her a respectful nod, agreeing with her assessment. His deliberate downplay of his own sword abilities was not meant to fool her, as he knew it would not. He knew his strengths and weaknesses and knew, without saying so, the competence he had with a sword. Experience had taught him much - and though he had a certain mastery there was always more to learn.

When he asked about her Warder, she replied that he may well know him, but she would not be surprised if their paths had not crossed. She and her Warder were not often in the Tower, and when they were it was usually a quick rest up and back on the mounts.

Her description reminded Elessar of his years with Leandreen, when much time had been spent outside Tar Valon and the White Tower.

“His name is Nevuel Strior”, Kathleen Sedai continued. ”He was a Borderlander himself, though from Arafel. If you would like to meet with him I can tell him to expect you. When we are home he stays mostly to the Green halls or checking up on the training of the new generation of Tower Guards, under the guise of keeping himself ready, of course”. She smiled and laughed under her words.
 

●

He smiled at her words. “No, I don’t know Nevuel Strior”. He said. “I know of a few Warders of the Green from my time there, but most are unknown to me. I will be honoured to meet him some time though, and I promise I will not hold it against him that he is Borderlander-bred”, he said, with a glint in his eye and the touch of a smile on his lips.

“As a matter of fact, one of my Brothers” - he said, referring to a ‘Brother to Battles’ -“ back in my early Warder years was from Arafel. Seitar was his name.”

His eyes drifted from her face as old memories came back to him.

“He came from a small village some miles north-east of Shol Arbela, their capital. While most of us quickly made Tar Valon our new home, he never lost his strong love for his home country. ‘There is no place like Arafel, Elessar!’ he used to bellow and then he always raised his blade in grand salute, almost choking with laughter afterwards.” Elessar chuckled under his breath, remembering well. “He returned to his homeland as often as his service to his Green Sedai and the Tower permitted”, he added. “He was a great character, Seitar.” Elessar’s eyes regained focus, gaining a somber look, and he met her eyes squarely. “He fell on a mission in Cairhien to root out Darkfriends. He died with honour, protecting his Sedai.”

They shared a respectful moment of silence for their fallen comrade.

Then they bade each other farewell, each having matters to attend to. It had been a chance meeting, a chance encounter, but one to appreciate.

 

●

Elessar stared silently after the Battle Ajah Sister as she walked across the Warder’s Yard toward the White Tower, her Green Shawl fluttering slightly in the rising breeze, memories of Leandreen and the Green Ajah, of Seitar and the other Battle Ajah Warders, and of countless missions over several years, drifting across his conciousness.

It was a timeless moment.

He turned his head then, shifting his gaze to the sky above.

Waited.

Then..

There was a whisper on the wind, the breeze softly touching his cheek, as if his long dead bondholder was reaching out to him.

To Elessar, it almost felt like an Echo of things to Come.

 

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Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar