Introduction to Saidar: Lesson Two

[Leala Sedai]

Aureli had come into the classroom almost as soon as the last class had filed out.  This class was always hard for her to teach, because of the gravity of the names.  All these names represented a tragedy.  But they also represented tragedies that could have been avoided.  It usually took her a while to wrap her head around these names before she could write them on the board.  She hoped none of her students would be as foolish as the people attached to these names.  After a few minutes, though, she began to write them on the board, holding the sheet of paper with a small thread of Air in front of her eyes.  She had memorized these names, but seeing them still helped her cope.

 

Once the names were written up, she sat at her desk and waited as the girls filed in.  She hadn't brought anything with her besides the names to copy.  Aureli liked to practice what she was going to say about them before the lesson began.  It always ended up being the same thing, but this lesson was often the hardest for novices to learn.

 

When it seemed no one else would be coming, Aureli stood up and walked to the board.  She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it and stared rather pointedly as a pair of novices snuck in and sat down.  Once the girls were settled in, she began.  She hated repeating herself.  "Good morning, everyone."  She paused as the girls told her good morning as well.  "In the last class, we discussed and practiced how to embrace Saidar.  I know a few of you had a bit of trouble with it, but by the end of the class, I saw the room full of the glow of Saidar.  If you had had any questions or concerns about it, you should have asked me at the end of class.  We must move on now."  She had noticed that some of her students were looking at the board with some curiosity.  "I have a question for you all."  She motioned to the board with her one arm and said, "Whose names are these?  Why are they all written onto the board?"

 

When no one answered immediately, she walked to the other side of the board and looked out.  No one raised their hands.  No one ever knew before she spoke.  Sometimes she wished someone would point out at least any single name.  But they never did.  "Every single one of these names represents an initiate of the White Tower who burned themselves out, never able to touch Saidar again, the ability forever taken away by their own foolishness."

 

Some of the novices looked frightened.  Others looked curious.  What foolishness could have caused that? they must have been thinking.  For those questions on their faces, she nodded.  "Yes.  These young women thought themselves ready to tangle with Saidar by themselves and beyond their own ability.  And this list is only a sample.  The complete list is much, much longer.  You may remember that I mentioned a novice should never channel without supervision.  This list is the reason why.  Some of you may be thinking that living without Saidar must not be that bad.  You had lived without it all your life before coming here.  If you are sent out of the Tower, you can find your own life.  But many of these girls didn't survive the process of burning out."  She saw some pairs of eyes widen in shock.  "Yes, many of them died.  Taking on too much of the Power without proper training and guidance can be very dangerous, sometimes deadly.  It could be from drawing too much of Saidar before you are ready, or trying a new weave you may have heard of before recognizing the consequences if something were to go wrong."

 

The atmosphere in the room was properly thick with tension now.  "Aes Sedai and even Accepted may call you children, but when you are away from us, you are responsible for your own actions.  We cannot hover around you all day every day to make sure that nothing goes wrong.  You are responsible for this gift.  The choice is always yours."  She paused again, and when she was sure her words had reached everyone, she spoke again.  "Now.  Before we move on, I'd like you to copy down each name on the board.  Keep them with you as a reminder of why the White Tower has such stringent rules."

 

Aureli watched as her students copied down the names.  Some seemed confident, some seemed bored, some seemed about on the edge of tears.  When everyone was finished writing, she hoped that the confident and bored ones were just daydreaming or distracted by lunch and that the lesson would reach them eventually.

 

"Today's lesson is on control.  When you channel, you must be in complete control of yourself and of Saidar.  We will practice a technique called 'Pushing and Pulling.'  This involves taking hold of Saidar, then pushing it as far away from you without losing it.  This will help you if you do lose control and Saidar becomes too much to handle, and it is a good technique for linking, which you will learn more about in your studies as an Accepted."

 

Again, she adopted her hypnotic voice that she had used in the first lesson.  "Do you remember the last lesson?  I'd like you to imagine the rosebud again.  Imagine the delicate petals around you and the sun just beyond.  The petals fold back and the sun's warmth fills you."  She watched as the glow of Saidar surrounded these girls again.  This time, it was a little simpler.  Embracing Saidar would become as easy as breathing for many of them in time.  "As you are bathing in the sun's warmth, a cloud passes between you and the sun, very slowly."  She drew out the last two words to emphasize it.  "As the cloud passes, gently push Saidar away from you, but maintain your hold.  Don't let it get away.  Again, as slowly as it moved in front of the sun, the cloud now moves away, and pull Saidar back.  If you pull it back too quickly, it will hurt."

 

The pushing and pulling bit came at varied intervals, and as with the last class, she stopped to help those with questions or trouble in pushing Saidar away and keeping hold of it.  She tapped girls on the shoulder if she thought they were moving too fast in pulling it back.  When she was satisfied, she turned back to them.

 

"Very good, please release Saidar.  Some of you are a bit faster than others, but don't let that discourage you.  Just as we are all individuals, the One Power sees us as such, but that does not mean one is better than another.  The speed in which you learn means nothing at this point, and has no correlation to your potential.  Now.  Let's try that one more time, to be sure everyone has it.  Practice helps."  Some girls seemed frustrated with trying the lesson again.  Others seemed almost too eager.

 

"Calm yourselves again and imagine the rosebud once more.  Take a few moments if you wish to re-align your thoughts."  She watched as the class began to glow again.  Once everyone was glowing, she "When you are ready, push and pull as we did with the cloud."  Aureli watched as the glow of Saidar ebbed and flowed around the girls again.  once everyone was done, she concluded the class.

 

"Please release Saidar again.  You all did wonderfully.  If you have any questions or concerns, I will be here a few minutes after class.  Now, this exercise is harder than the last one, so please get some rest.  But don't let that rest be an excuse to miss your next chore or class.  I will see you in the next lesson."

 

The girls began to move and get ready to leave, and Aureli turned to the board to erase the names.  Rather than sweeping wipes of the cloth, she erased them one at a time. 

 

Aureli Yenda

Accepted

 

OOC:  Roleplay arriving, your reactions to the names and what they mean, your attempts at pushing and pulling, and leaving class.  As always, any questions or extra help needed can be requested. (Also, sorry for the late reply!)

[Nyanna al'Meara]

They tore around the last corner and skidded to a halt, doubling up to catch their breath in front of the classroom door. Nyanna stopped gasping long enough to giggle – a mistake, as she began choking again. “I can’t wait until she finds those mice…well, the mice find her!” Swallowing her laughter and the exhilaration from the mad dash to their second saidar lesson, Nyanna straightened and tried to smooth down skirts and hair so she wouldn’t look too suspicious, and pretended at a haughty sniff. “I hope this doesn’t become my bad habit too” She pulled a frightful grimace at Dwyn and stuck out her tongue, which almost made her and her partner in crime dissolve into giggles again, but only just managed to morph it into an almost serious expression. That prank had better be worth it. Elbowing Dwyn a last time, Nyanna pushed open the door cautiously.

 

And swallowed as she saw the class was near full already and all eyes were turned on them. Sheepishly they snuck up between the rows of desks and found a seat each, the Accepted’s eyes boring into their backs as they tried acting as guiltless as possible. As Aureli greeted them, and started the lecture, Nyanna’s eyes found the list of names on the board…she remembered this last class slightly, although by then the Accepted teaching it had known that she had a block of sorts. Aureli was asking about the names, but Nyanna kept silent – partly not wanting to stand out as sitting the class a second time, partly because truthfully, she didn’t recall much from that past lesson. She’d been too distraught about the fact that she had channelled without supervision, and the ghastly thing she’d done – or thought she’d done, to pay much attention to the names on the board, and drifted off into a daydream of blame and horrified remorse.

Not anymore. Yet again, Nyanna felt the lightness of the unseen weight on her shoulders, the knowledge that she had not killed her parents with the One Power. It was so easy to concentrate now, and take an actual interest in learning about saidar instead of rejecting it. She listened to Aureli’s solemn account of the list of burned-out channelers, an upset feeling in her own stomach, and saw some of the other novices’ shocked reactions. She herself was listening closely, aware of the sudden serious atmosphere in the classroom. 

Writing down the list on her parchment along with the others, the end of her quill tickling her nose, Nyanna wondered about the times she’d used saidar already. Neither her block,or the lack of it now guaranteed she could not burn herself out either. She darted a glance at her roomie and quickly looked down at the paper again – she had held saidar before, after the block was gone. And that had not been in the presence of an Accepted or Aes Sedai. 

 

"Today's lesson is on control.  When you channel, you must be in complete control of yourself and of Saidar.  We will practice a technique called 'Pushing and Pulling.'  This involves taking hold of Saidar, then pushing it as far away from you without losing it.  This will help you if you do lose control and Saidar becomes too much to handle, and it is a good technique for linking, which you will learn more about in your studies as an Accepted."

 

Sitting up straight again, Nyanna placed her quill away carefully while Aureli explained the techniques of handling saidar, and began hypnotically helping some of them to create that image of a rosebud. This time, the small white mountain flower sprang readily to her mind, a familiar picture that had helped her channel for the first time after breaking her block too.
Saidar flooded her, blissfully drowning her in its sweetness, and Nyanna greedily tried drawing more and more from the sparkling well.

Still, there was a droning that called her back, and annoyed she opened her eyes to see Aureli walking slowly among them, helping out when a girl was struggling to do it properly. Nyanna sighed inwardly, but tried the cloud thing anyway. It didn’t work very well, most likely because she had done the pushing and pulling automatically when the block had broken – so she just did what she had then, letting it flow through her, a comfortable amount….and more, more of it....

Anxiously, Nyanna again pictured the brightness of the flower darkening, an eclipse dimming its radiance to a warm glow-  there! She grinned, sitting up and savouring the feeling of saidar enhancing everything around her to a sharp, clear canvas of meticulous detail. After a moment she drew a little more of it again, a sweet sweet reward for her efforts.

Then the Accepted told them to release it, and Nyanna frowned as she half-heartedly attempted to get rid of it…not really wanting to. Again, the only way to release saidar was to jerk it off in a quick motion. It went, and she grudgingly felt her normal perception of the surroundings return, dull and bland after the channeling.

The class tried one more time, and now it was significantly easier to control what she was holding. It was all in the practice… but she’d have to work on a smoother transition of releasing it.

 

"…Now, this exercise is harder than the last one, so please get some rest.  But don't let that rest be an excuse to miss your next chore or class.  I will see you in the next lesson."

 

Nyanna grinned and collected her things to join the group of girls leaving the classroom. She thanked Aureli as the Accepted wiped the board. The chatter did not quite wait until everyone was outside, and through the excited hubbub she looked for her roomie. Winking conspiratorially as the mischief of the prank they’d started before the lesson came back, she asked “Well, how did that go?” as they wandered off to the quarters for a short break before the rest of their day.

[The Bard Babe]

Dwyn skidded to a halt in front of the door with Nyanna, catching her breath through unstoppable giggles that she worked towards stifling slightly given their proximity to the door and the Accepted concealed within. Unable to keep a radiant smile from her face at Nyanna's bright laugh and relaxed countenance, Dwyn tugged a crease out of Nyanna's dress and smoothed her own skirts, not even bothering to attempt to calm her wild, dark curls but to adjust her headscarf. Her hair didn't have the refined beauty of Nyanna's waves, instead it was more of a wild interpretation of her personality: disorganised and uncontrollable.

Dwyn didn't even bother to keep a straight face at Nyanna's terrible grimace and comment, but jabbed her friend in the ribs before they both descended into giggles once more. Fielding an elbow in the ribs in return, Dwyn wiped the grin off her face and stuck on a serious and what she hoped was innocent and meek mask, exchanging the look with her partner in crime, quickly turning back to door before Nyanna's serious face made her laugh again.

 

Pushing open the doors, they entered quietly to the two remaining seats, becoming the recipients of a rather pointed stare from Aureli. Dwyn barely noticed, focused as she was on calming her giggles.

 

The list Aureli put up on the board and the description that came with it was...shattering. Crushing to Dwyn. Saidar had a limit. The impossible and the limitless had a definite line you could cross. The combination of fear that struck her when she discovered that she could lose this wonderful feeling forever, and the idea that perfection was not after all so perfect, was enough to put Dwyn in a bad mood without the addition of the sympathy she couldn't dispel for the each girl on the list of names she was writing down in ink that burnt into her mind and her memory.

 

She had never been happier to obey than when she was told once more to embrace saidar. She fumbled for a moment to try and relax into the state she needed to hear the music in her head, and again, Aureli's voice helped, but she simply could not find the calm she needed with that cloud of dark seeping and slinking through her mind. The music struck a minor chord, as loud and crashing as anger but as dark as the foggy depression that had curled into her. Even in her mind the idea of dark scared her, so she sank into the anger, the clashing dissonance that burst in red behind her eyelids. The surrender was enough, even to angry music, she could still find that light and she wielded it then almost as a weapon to banish away the darkness that was creeping in behind her.

 

Sighing in relief, Dwyn smiled as her senses sharpened and her mind filled with a happier song. It was good to know that she could surrender into anger and have it washed away by this beautiful light. It make take her longer to surrender into darkness...

 

Push and pull, hmm? Well, she hadn't heard the metaphor they were supposed to be using the first time, and somehow she didn't think clouds were going to work for her. Instead, she closed her eyes and listened intently to the gently flowing music of her mind. She focused on it, sank into it, bathed in the starlight of harmony until the music rose and crashed in waves of a magnificent crescendo. Saidar filled Dwyn to bursting, rising with the music, and regretfully, but also in wonder, Dwyn hushed the music, calming the waves into ripples and the brass to strings, muting the harmonies into a single thread of melody that flowed easily and quietly, a comforting, dim presence of soft tones coming from nowhere to gently caress her mind with whispers.

 

Right then, Dwyn decided she liked pulling and pushing, and was more than happy to do it again, although her enthusiasm in encouraging a crescendo the second time resulted in a harsh rise in volume that beat painfully against her skull and earnt her a tap on the shoulder from Aureli. Taking a deep breath that briefly put a fremata in the music, Dwyn took control of her mind as well as she knew how and started again from as near to silence as she could bear, this time slowly coaxing the music into a crescendo that bathed her in light, not stabbed her with it.

 

The lesson ended far too quickly for Dwyn's liking. She wasn't ready to let saidar go just yet. She was exhausted, true, but she didn't want to leave the light behind, not to touch it again nor hear the music until the next lesson. Cursing unmercifully, Dwyn forced herself to let saidar fade to silence as soon as she recognised in herself the reason so many girls had burnt themselves out, instead hopping up and inhaling deeply, storing the memory of saidar in her mind so that it brought a smile to her face and tearing up the regret, anger and sadness the lesson had also brought out in her as she joined Nyanna.

 

"That was certainly intense." Dwyn replied to her friend as they walked to where they were to do chores next.

[Hallia]

Hallia hurried around the corner, breathing a sigh of relief as she spotted several girls walking into the classroom she was bound for.  I’m not late, thank the Light!  I thought I’d never finish scrubbing that floor!  Slowing to a walk she smoothed her white dress as she entered the classroom, nodding to a few other girls while slipping into a seat next to her roomate Kira. 

 

“Mornin’ Kira, I thought I was going to be late and I’m sure that would’ve meant more chores.”  She folded her arms on her desk, resting her chin on them as she looked over to the other girl.  A few moments later their teacher stood, approaching the board as she readied herself to begin the lesson.  Right as she started to speak two more novices slipped into class, taking the last two empty seats under the stare of Aureli.

 

After the class exchanged greetings with the Accepted, Aureli began the lesson.  Hallia gazed at the board, wondering what all the names were for because she hadn’t a clue.  Aureli asked the class if anyone knew what the names pertained to, but no one answered.

"Every single one of these names represents an initiate of the White Tower who burned themselves out, never able to touch Saidar again, the ability forever taken away by their own foolishness..."

 

As the explanation continued, Hallia felt a knot grow in her stomach.  When the time came to copy down the list of names, she reflected on this lesson.  How awful!  She felt a deep sympathy that rivaled a sense of frustration that there was no one to help the poor women.  Finishing the list, she looked back at the board to the list of names, repeating them in her head so that she could try to remember them.

 

Not long after Aureli resumed the lesson.  “Today’s lesson is control…”  Hallia listened intently as the Accepted discussed the technique, excited at the prospect of embracing Saidar again.  I can see how easy it must have been for those girls…I’ll be more careful from now on that’s for sure.  She felt a moment of shame at the remembrance of the evening before, embracing Saidar in her room just because she could and because of the accompanying joy that embracing brought with it. 

 

 Hearing the tone of Aureli’s voice change Hallia shook her head to clear her thoughts, paying closer attention to the Accepted.  Hallia eagerly closed her eyes, recreating the rosebud in her mind once again as she prepared to embrace Saidar.  It was easier this time, with the petals folding back and the warmth filling her faster as she embraced the Power.  She followed the instructions Aureli gave the class, losing Saidar the first time she pushed but after that it became easier.  Hallia was able to keep the Source embraced through the rest of the lesson until told to release it.  When told to embrace the Power once more, it seemed to be even easier, as did the Pushing and Pulling. 

 

Releasing Saidar was still hard, the longing to keep it within as strong as ever, but she did it.  Will that get easier, I wonder?  Aureli released the Novices to go their separate ways, either to chores or another class.  Hallia stood, waiting for Kira to get ready to leave as well before making her way out alongside her friend.  “What d’you have next?”

[WolfbrotherKronos]

Kira had arrived to class early.  She had not had a good day today and being late to class would not be a great addition to that.  She had been in a hurry trying to get to her chores and ran into an Aes Sedai.  Kira had let her temper get better of her.  As a result, after class she was visiting the Mistress of Novices.  Not a good start in the tower, she supposed.  The only thing that prevented an immediate visit to Valeri Sedai's office was this class.  She was there before most of the students and she watched as Aureli put several names on the board.

 

What are those for? Kira wondered, allowing her to think about something besides the punishment she was going to receive.

 

Her thoughts were interrupted by Hallia, her roommate, as Hallia took a seat next to her. 

 

“Mornin’ Kira, I thought I was going to be late and I’m sure that would’ve meant more chores," Hallia said to her.  Kira smiled in return, but before she could respond, Aureli began the lesson.

 

Kira listened with interest as Aureli explained what happened to those who channeled incorrectly.  It was sad.  In Kira's emotional state, she had trouble stifling back the tears, but was able to do so.

 

How would I feel if I couldn't embrace Saidar again? And some died because of it? Kira shuddered as she thought.

 

She knew that's why she was here though.  She was here to learn how to channel without getting burnt out.  She payed closer attention as Aureli continued the lesson, leaning forward onto the table.  It was then time to practice.

 

Kira went through the same exercise - thinking of the blooming rosebud.  As before, it took a couple of tries to feel the Source within her.  She tried to picture a cloud passing around the sun, blocking the sunlight and attempted to push Saidar away from her.  She went a little too far and lost the Source.  She tried again, this time, a little more successfully.  Each time she tried, it got a little easier.

 

"Please release Saidar again.  You all did wonderfully.  If you have any questions or concerns, I will be here a few minutes after class.  Now, this exercise is harder than the last one, so please get some rest.  But don't let that rest be an excuse to miss your next chore or class.  I will see you in the next lesson," Kira heard Aureli said and she complied and began to collect her things.  Before leaving, she glanced at Aureli and remembered some of her father's words.  He had told her that her temper would get her into trouble.  Kira wondered if the Accepted could help her learn how to control her temper just as she helped her learn how to control Saidar,\

 

As Kira left, Hallia fell into step along side of her.  "What d'you have next?" her friend asked.

 

Kira felt her face grow white. "I have to meet with the Mistress of Novices."

[tonnalea]

_{Ariani wandered into the classroom, fussing over the newly acquired jam stain on her otherwise pristine white dress. She mumbled incoherently as she tried to scrub the stain off.} 

_{When she realized the she was only making it worse, she frowned at it and then went to her seat. She had never seen anyone throw food the way the other girls in the kitchen had.} 

_{The thought of it had made her blood boil! It was bad enough seeing dishes returned with more than half of the food still untouched on it because someone "didn't like it" or they were} 

_{"too full". But to just sling it....for fun like that?! And then at her for trying to get them to stop. Fortunately, she had been able to take cover behind something before the majority of it} 

_{hit her, but she couldn't avoid all of it. She had been told to keep her dress clean and pressed and she had done just that, her dress was so white that she thought that they were as shiny} 

_{as the Tower walls. Now, this. The nerve!}

 

_{What a bloody waste! Are they too woolheaded to see how good they actually have it here?! There are people who don't know where their next meal will come from and they have the gall to just......}

_{She had been so busy worrying over the stain, that she didn't even notice the other girls come in. It was only when the Accepted began to speak, that Ariani was able to put the incident out of} 

_{her mind for awhile.}

 

_{"....Whose names are these? Why are they all written on the board?" she began.} 

 

_{Ariani quickly scanned the classroom to see if anyone else would say anything. No one did, they all had the same puzzled look that she was sure that she had. She shifted her focus back to} 

_{the girl at the head of the class as she explained the reason for this list of names.}  

 

_{Ariani couldn't say that she felt sorry for those girls on that list. Those girls had been warned, just as she had. Ariani didn't entirely trust the Sisters here, but she didn't feel like they would} 

_{just tell you that you could channel, teach you to embrace Saidar,  and then simply not allow you to do it for no reason. That would be like dangling a cube of sugar in front of a horse, and} 

_{never allowing it to have a taste of it. It would be cruel. It seemed perfectly logical. Do it, and risk killing yourself. And that was enough for her. She wasn't about to die from sheer stupidity.} 

_{She decided right there that if she could do something with her own two hands, then she would. She wasn't going to use Saidar for anything unless she had no other choice. She hurriedly} 

_{scribbled down the names on the board and decided to hang them up in her room, just in case she was ever tempted.}

 

_{"Today's lesson is on control," the Accepted told them.}

 

_{Perfect. Thank the Light!} 

 

_{Aureli explained the process to them, and Ariani tuned out everything around her except for the words that the girl spoke. The thought of possibly killing herself with this particular talent}

 _{had been more than enough incentive to keep her attention on this segment of the class. When it came time to try the exercise, Ariani for once, felt completely confident.}

 

_{She envisioned the flower, but not the rosebud, the one from back home. The sun was so warm against the petals, and gently the rays roused it from its slumber. The petals began to open,} 

_{and the sunlight filled the flower, but just as quickly closed again and it was gone. Ariani was back in the classroom. She had wanted so badly to touch Saidar again, to feel the sweet life and joy} 

_{of it, but knowing what could happen terrified her and keeping her focus was difficult.}

 

_{You have to do this. No choice.}

 

 

_{Again. This time it had been easier and she managed to keep a hold on it. Everything was richer, fuller and she could feel the life coursing through her. Saidar made you feel truly alive. She allowed} 

_{the cloud to pass by, and mentally pushed the ecstasy away from herself, but too far....she lost it. Quickly, surprised at how much easier it was becoming to grasp, she embraced Saidar again and began} 

_{pushing and pulling it away.} 

 

_{Aureli had made them stop for a few moments, seemingly pleased with the class performance, and then had them repeat the exercise, this time with very little guidance. Again, they released and the} 

_{class was over. As Ariani was collecting her things to leave, she heard Aureli tell them that they should rest a little after this.}

 

_{How can I possibly rest when I have this terrible stain staring up at me from the hem of my dress?"  Ariani thought as she made her way out of the room.}

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Sherper]

Chewing the end of her feather quilted pen, Ellisha stared at the list of names on the blackboard from her usual spot at the back of the room. Venca sat beside her, thank the light, the woman had remembered to wake up today and had not been a second time late to their Saidar lesson. Their Accepted from yesterday stood at the front of the room, her hands folded behind her back as a steady stream of Novices walked in to occupy the empty chairs. Ellisha noticed a condescending look produced in her direction, which made her grin – well, leer at the woman who had made it as the Novice took her seat two paces across from her. Popularity wasn’t exactly her strong suit; a fact she did not try to conceal. Her solution was of course to tell people to leg it, by making it abundantly clear Ellisha Falwein had zero invested interest in any of them. She hated honeyed words and falsified smiles for the sake of politeness; to her it was much more comfortable to deal with things when they were out in the open. Ellisha did not like any of the other girls, and they in turn did not like her – apart from Venca of course. It had come as a surprise when she had instantly taken to liking the other woman when they first met. On the day of Ellisha’s arrival at the Tower, she had thought the women that was to be her roommate, was weak minded and timid beyond imagining. Yet as she grew to know the woman a little better, she realised Venca was anything but weak. Her façade of meekness and obedience hides a heart that was harder than steel and as large as the sun. It was for this reason that within the space of less than a week, Ellisha had taken up calling Venca as her friend – her one and only friend in the White Tower.

 

Another Novice, this one with curly yellow hair, sneered at her and Venca in turn as she sat down at a table two rows away from the pair. Ellisha felt her cheeks flush red with anger. She could deal with people giving her passive aggressive looks and cold shoulders – expected it for that matter, but no one, No One was ever going to insult Venca and expects to get away with it. Putting one hand into her satchel, she rummaged around the bag’s contents until she found what she was looking for. Flipping open a hidden pocket near the bottom, she pulled out a folded piece of paper that was shaped like a leaf. Being very careful that the Accepted at the front of the classroom wasn’t looking this way, she skilfully slipped the piece of paper under her sleeve. It fit snugly under the palm of her right hand, as she let fly the hardened projectile. A small flick was all it needed, any more would’ve been overkill and was unnecessary for the miniature throwing weapon. The thing spun end over end across the back of the room, and zipped towards its target.

 

The impact was barely audible, yet in Ellisha’s mind she pictured in a loud ‘thump’ as the projectile produced a most satisfying squeal from the other woman. Not so smug now aye, laddie? The curly haired woman looked around with furry written plain on her features as she gingerly rubbed the back of her head. Ellisha put on her best stone faced expression, barely managing to fight back the fits of laughter threatening to break loose. Beside her she heard Vanca cough, and realised she was doing the same, the hand concealing her friend’s broad grin.  Still rubbing the back of her head, the woman turned back around with a rather sullen expression as the Accepted began her lesson.

 

Two white clad Novices burst into the room right at the moment, before the Accepted even had the chance to get a word off, and Ellisha could see she was glaring at them both as they hurriedly took their seats. It was those fools Dwyn and Nyan again she realised, and the two had plainly been up to something before they came into the room. Ellisha swore the pair had nearly matched the number of pennants she herself received – a notable achievable in itself considering the amount of time she’s been at the Tower, yet the two Novices seemed even more adept at causing mischief, with either finding trouble or the other way around. She put the two girls out of her mind for the moment as the Accepted resumed her speech. Her eyes also once again focussed on the list of names on the board which she had noticed earlier, as the woman outlined the nature of the lesson.

 

Dead silence perpetrated the room as the Accepted revealed the names behind her, belonged to woman who had the ability to channel ‘burned out’ of them. Ellisha shuddered at the mere thought; to have the ability taken away from you, to never feel the touch of Saidar again. It was too horrid to even comprehend. Despite the briefness of her introduction to the One Power, she felt the loss of her ability to channel would be a blow equivalent to her death. She would happily offer up an arm if it meant she could continue channelling; the loss like a pond against an endless sea of sorrow when put in comparison. Hell, She was even willing to wield the knife herself if it helped. The list of names took on a new meaning to her, and even the words the Accepted had said yesterday hammered home in the backs of her skull.

 

“You may remember that I mentioned a novice should never channel without supervision. This is the reason why.”

 

Ellisha stared wide eyed at the woman. Burn her, she had done exactly that. She shuddered again, thinking about all the possible consequences that might have occurred had she been foolish enough to draw too deeply on the source.

 

“Aes Sedai and even Accepted may call you children, but when you are away from us, you are responsible for your own actions. We cannot hover around you all day every day to make sure that nothing goes wrong. You are responsible for this gift. The choice is yours.”

 

A gift, Ellisha thought. She hadn’t seen it like that before. Only now did she realise how fortunate she was with being allowed to touch the Source at all. Yes, it really was a gift, and she had to do everything in her power to ensure she kept it – treasured it. She willingly obliged when the Accepted told them to copy down all the names on the board, imprinting the words in her mind, and determined not to be a fool, clouded from her judgement ever again.

 

“Today’s lesson is on control.” The Accepted continued, once all the Novices had scribbled the names down. “When you channel, you must be in complete control of yourself and of Saidar.” She then described a technique which she called ‘Pushing and Pulling’, once again using the hypnotic tone she had used yesterday, with the same apparent results. Ellisha embraced the source, feeling Saidar wash over her as cool water sprayed onto her face, and felt the pitch and roll of her vessel with each successive wave. She couldn’t help but let a smile creep onto her face as she danced with the Saidar surrounding her. Again, the acute feeling of awareness returned to her; the colours that made every surface of the room seem to shimmer and glow, and the wonderful feeling of blanketed warmth.

 

She only just restrained herself from drawing more deeply from the source, when an earlier thought broke through the mirage of ecstasy. She had to learn self control. Gritting her teeth, she thought of a way to distance herself from the sweet nectar that was Saidar, and closed her eyes to imagine the ship in the ocean again.  Saidar shifted, and she felt its pulse manifest to become the open waves around her and her vessel.  She rode the waves easily, the rigging on the sides humming musically as the wind filled her sails. Yet as she watched, the crests became higher and higher as water and the feeling of exhilaration engulfed her.  She had to learn self control! With a will, she mentally forced the waves to die down, let the adrenaline in her blood seep out along with Saidar. When she felt she was riding on nearly calm waters, she held the image there and kept the Source at bay.

 

“Very good, please release Saidar.” Ellisha obliged, and found it was much easier to release the source when she was in this state. It felt a lot easier to let go when she was already half way away. Saidar was addictive, and she had to remember that. The Accepted gave them all an encouraging smile as she told them to try the technique again in their own time.

 

Having known what to expect and with a little more experience, Ellisha danced with Saidar; at times letting it draw away whilst at others holding it near to bursting. She knew when she was close to her limit, as her head began to hurt from the effort, and she quickly calmed the waves. It was a delicate flow of movements, Saidar and her. They were friends, neither enforcing the other to do anything – yet gently guiding one another to ensure Ellisha’s ship flew in rhythm with the waves.

 

When the time came to release, Ellisha did so with a lot less reluctance than she had at the first. Saidar never really left her she realised; it was always a welcoming presence at the back of her head; an old acquaintance which she could call upon to make her happy. The Accepted told them all to take some rest, then dismissed them as she concluded her class. Only then did she realise how tired she was, with the sweetness of drinking in the source, she had neglected to feel the fatigue of her body. She yawned, and followed a beaming Venca through the door to the outside, intending to squeeze in a nap before she was due down at the kitchen for lunch duties.  

 

 

~Ellisha Falwein
Novice of the White Tower

Edited November 1, 2013 by Sherper

[Kenny]

Venca walked into the classroom for the second class and was a s surprised as anyone to find that was actually early. The only people in the room o far was Elli, the Accepted, and two other Novices that had been in the first class. Walking to her normal seat in the back of the room next to her roommate and friend, Venca let a smile play on her face as she relived for a moment the feelings she felt yesterday. She had felt truly happy for first time since she had came to the Tower and it was all thanks to Saidar.  Suddenly it was all worth it, the chores, the endless hours of work with no sleep. It all paled into insignificance when she thought about how she felt just touching Saidar. She couldn't even begin to imagine what it was going to feel like to actually be able to do things with it!

 

Taking her seat, she noticed for the first time the names on the board behind the Accepted. Remembering the last class, Venca pulled out her parchment and pen she had brought with her and prepared herself just in case they were going to be instructed to write down everything on the board again today. Hearing noises out in the hallway, Venca looked up to see the rest of the class entering the room, most of whom were giving Elli looks that could kill. Looking over at her friend Venca rolled her eyes, the woman actually seemed to be enjoying herself and how that was possible Venca could never understand.

 

Shaking her head Venca was about to turn back to the front of the room when Elli's pale face flushed with anger and eyes narrowed considerably. Curious Venca turned in time to see a yellow haired Novice sneering at her. Venca sighed, but having resigned herself to acquiring some enemies due to her friendship with Elli, she didn't really care. Intending to try and diffuse the situation before any more attention could be called to her, Venca leaned closer to Elli only to see a small projectile fly out the woman's sleeve directly into the back of the Novice's head.

 

Hearing the Novice squeal Venca started to burst into laughter, catching herself at the last moment she turned it into a 'coughing fit' all the while trying to hide the grin on her face as the yellow haired Novice looked around with anger plainly written on her face. Getting herself under control Venca looked at her friend and with a smile she hoped the 'thank you' was understood by the other woman. Not many people in Venca's life had ever taken up for her, well really only one, but it was still a touchy subject to think about and she wanted to happy for this class.

 

When it seemed everyone that was going to show up had made it to the classroom, the Accepted turned to face the class. Taking a breath to begin the class the woman was about to start talking when two white clad Novices rushed into the room. Red faced and obviously trying to hide giggles, Venca was just glad she wasn't the one everyone was staring at today! Not to mention the glare from their Accepted would have caused her die from embarrassment, yet again, had it been directed at her.

 

After the newest arrivals had found their seats the Accepted truly began the class with a short review of the previous class. Having finished with the she turned and motioned with her arm the board. "I have a question for you all. Whose names are these?  Why are they all written onto the board?" having noticed the names when she first sat down Venca picked up her pen figuring someone would know what the Accepted was talking about, and she wanted to be ready to write it down. Looking around the room Venca noticed that everyone else seemed to be just a s confused as she was about the names and no one even made an attempt to answer.

 

The Accepted walked to the other side of the board and after the silenced had stretched on for a few moments she began talking again.  "Every single one of these names represents an initiate of the White Tower who burned themselves out, never able to touch Saidar again, the ability forever taken away by their own foolishness." The silence in the room after the Accepted finished talking was so think it could have been cut with a knife. Venca looked at the list of names in an entirely light now. She could not even imagine what it would be like to never be able to experience the happiness Saidar made her feel again, it was unthinkable.

 

Still reeling from what the Accepted had said Venca pulled out of her thoughts as the woman began talking again. " You may remember that I mentioned a novice should never channel without supervision.  This list is the reason why.  Some of you may be thinking that living without Saidar must not be that bad.  You had lived without it all your life before coming here.  If you are sent out of the Tower, you can find your own life.  But many of these girls didn't survive the process of burning out." Again Venca was shocked that Saidar could kill you just because you were careless, but the ones that died... maybe they were the lucky ones. They didn't have live without Saidar and the wonderful happiness that it brought with it.

 

 "Now.  Before we move on, I'd like you to copy down each name on the board.  Keep them with you as a reminder of why the White Tower has such stringent rules." Copying the names down Venca wrote very slowly not wanting to make a mistake with any of the names. She wanted this reminder, she -never- wanted this to happen to her and anything she could do to make it less likely for it to happen to her she would.

 

After everyone had finished writing and were once again focused on the Accepted she began to explain the reason for the class. “Today’s lesson is on control. When you channel, you must be in complete control of yourself and of Saidar.”  With this she explained how we were to learn how to 'push and pull' Saidar while we were holding it. Embracing the Source this time was much easier than it was before and Venca smiled as the feeling of warmth and power once again flooded her senses. 

 

Venca sat there for a moment just enjoying the feeling of holding the Source before she closed her eyes and imagined a cloud passing between her and the sun that was Saidar. Suddenly finding herself no longer holding the source, Venca's eyes snapped open and she looked around to find that she wasn't the only one to have went to far and lost her grip. Closing her eyes once again she embraced Saidar again. This time when she imagined the cloud she made it thinner. More like a could on a mostly clear summer day, and less like a cloud the belonged in a thunderstorm. Letting the new cloud drift over the sun Venca could feel Saidar retreating, but still having her grip on it. She allowed the cloud to stay over the sun for just a moment before letting move slowly away from her again letting the Source fill her nearly to the bursting, before letting it come back once again. 

 

“Very good, please release Saidar.” Hearing this Venca opened her eyes and released her grip on Saidar letting it flow away from her. Feeling much less alive she returned her attention to the Accepted.  "Some of you are a bit faster than others, but don't let that discourage you.  Just as we are all individuals, the One Power sees us as such, but that does not mean one is better than another.  The speed in which you learn means nothing at this point, and has no correlation to your potential.  Now.  Let's try that one more time, to be sure everyone has it.  Practice helps."

 

Gladly Venca embraced Saidar and again danced with it. Pushing and pulling it to her limits, this time without losing the Source even once! By the time the Accepted asked them to release the Source again Venca felt very comfortable with the technique and with only a bit of regret allowed Saidar to once again flow away from her.  "You all did wonderfully.  If you have any questions or concerns, I will be here a few minutes after class.  Now, this exercise is harder than the last one, so please get some rest.  But don't let that rest be an excuse to miss your next chore or class.  I will see you in the next lesson."

 

Without the buffer of Saidar Venca could now feel the toll that working with the Source had taken on her body. Yawning she gathered up her belongings and smiled, life in the Tower might not be so bad after all. Falling into step beside Elli she couldn't help the grin that split her face. A good friend by her side and the comforting feeling of Saidar in the back of her mind, promising that feeling of life with each touch, yes she could live with that. 

 

Venca Konora

Novice of the White Tower

[Saphira Silvermoon]

After she had eaten her breakfast and returned her tray, Nateera reported for her first chore of the day, scrubbing floors. 

She finished the first floor just before her next Saidar lesson. Quickly, she headed for the classroom. I still don't want to be late for class. I love learning these things, even if I have to do chores all day.

 

As she entered the classroom, she noticed that there was a list of names on the board. I wonder who they are? Why are these names on the board? There must be a good reason.

 

When it seemed no one else would be coming, Aureli stood up and walked to the board.  She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it and stared rather pointedly as a pair of novices snuck in and sat down.  Once the girls were settled in, she began.  She hated repeating herself.  "Good morning, everyone."  She paused as the girls told her good morning as well.  "In the last class, we discussed and practiced how to embrace Saidar.  I know a few of you had a bit of trouble with it, but by the end of the class, I saw the room full of the glow of Saidar.  If you had had any questions or concerns about it, you should have asked me at the end of class.  We must move on now."  She had noticed that some of her students were looking at the board with some curiosity.  "I have a question for you all."  She motioned to the board with her one arm and said, "Whose names are these?  Why are they all written onto the board?"

 

When no one answered immediately, she walked to the other side of the board and looked out.  No one raised their hands.  No one ever knew before she spoke.  Sometimes she wished someone would point out at least any single name.  But they never did.  "Every single one of these names represents an initiate of the White Tower who burned themselves out, never able to touch Saidar again, the ability forever taken away by their own foolishness."

 

Nateera had a look of pure fright on her face, now. How could this happen? 

 

"Today's lesson is on control.  When you channel, you must be in complete control of yourself and of Saidar.  We will practice a technique called 'Pushing and Pulling.'  This involves taking hold of Saidar, then pushing it as far away from you without losing it.  This will help you if you do lose control and Saidar becomes too much to handle, and it is a good technique for linking, which you will learn more about in your studies as an Accepted."

 

Again, she adopted her hypnotic voice that she had used in the first lesson.  "Do you remember the last lesson?  I'd like you to imagine the rosebud again.  Imagine the delicate petals around you and the sun just beyond.  The petals fold back and the sun's warmth fills you."  She watched as the glow of Saidar surrounded these girls again.  This time, it was a little simpler.  Embracing Saidar would become as easy as breathing for many of them in time.  "As you are bathing in the sun's warmth, a cloud passes between you and the sun, very slowly."  She drew out the last two words to emphasize it.  "As the cloud passes, gently push Saidar away from you, but maintain your hold.  Don't let it get away.  Again, as slowly as it moved in front of the sun, the cloud now moves away, and pull Saidar back.  If you pull it back too quickly, it will hurt."

 

Nateera followed instructions and was able to push and pull Saidar with seeming ease. They were told to release Saidar for a few moments, then to  embrace it again and practice pushing and pulling. This control was even easier the second time. When told to release Saidar again, she reluctantly did so. 

 

She left the classroom with the others and returned to her chores. I wonder what tomorrow's class will be. 

 

 

[Hayl3y]

Again, Myrrhi had arrived in a hurry and alone. She still had not found the courage to make friends. This time though she had arrived first, and it was with a broad smile that she greeted her fellow novices and Aureli, her teacher. She picked a spot at the back of the classroom but in the center so the Accepted would be able to see how serious she would be during the class.

 

The lesson had started in a weird way, Aureli keeping silent and had written a couple of names on the board before greeting the class.

- In the last class, we discussed and practiced how to embrace Saidar.  I know a few of you had a bit of trouble with it, but by the end of the class, I saw the room full of the glow of Saidar.  If you had had any questions or concerns about it, you should have asked me at the end of class.  We must move on now.

 

Myrrhi smiled, she had had no problem to hold Saidar's embrace now. She had even managed to practice a bit, alone, hidden in the gardens.  The Accepted asked the class whose name she had written on the board. Myrrhi looked at her class mates. She knew about those girls. Deana Sedai had mentioned them on their Journey to the Tower, but the girl didn't want to be the one to start talking. No one raised a hand thought. And Aureli was obliged to speak again.

 

- Every single one of these names represents an initiate of the White Tower who burned themselves out, never able to touch Saidar again, the ability forever taken away by their own foolishness.

 

Myrrhi looked at her hands. It was very foolish to burn oneself out. She would never do that to herself. Again Aureli warned the Novices about the importance of not channeling alone but Myrrhi was barely listening. When she had trained those three times in secret she had been very fast. There were no risk of her dying like those silly girls whose name were written on the board. She wrote the names on her parchment though, as she was asked. Myrrhi's hand was still clumsy in comparison with the one of the other Novices. But she had trained a lot and hoped that soon she would be able  to write in the most elegant way. When she had been in Andor, she had not had the chance to write much. Here it seemed that there were too many occasions to use ink and feathers. So many, that she always ended up with big black stains of ink on her hands.

 

- Today's lesson is on control.  When you channel, you must be in complete control of yourself and of Saidar.  We will practice a technique called 'Pushing and Pulling.'  This involves taking hold of Saidar, then pushing it as far away from you without losing it.  This will help you if you do lose control and Saidar becomes too much to handle, and it is a good technique for linking, which you will learn more about in your studies as an Accepted.

 

Myrrhi closed her eyes and thought herself a rosebud again. She felt its petals, her petals. Then the sun, its warmth, its light, that she pulled towards her. She embraced Saidar quite easily. She pulled it then tryed to push it. It was hard to let go. She felt sad and empty having to do it. Then she pulled it again slowly at first then faster. It took her some time before she managed to push the Power again. After a couple of moves, Aureli came towards her and tapped on her shoulder. Indeed, Myrrhi was spending way more time pulling than pushing.

 

She tried the exercice again and again. It would be something nice to do in the gardens she thought. She would need to be alone though. After what felt like a couple of minutes, Aureli announced that the class was at an end. The Novices all sighed. But they had to go. Grabbing her parchment, ink and feathers, Myrrhi headed towards her room to drop everything she would not need to scrub pots in the kitchens.

Edited June 18, 2014 by Hayl3y

[Cass]

Thayetta stood at the door to the classroom, amongst the first in line. Her book - a new one now: 'Memoirs of a Green' - was tucked safely into her pouch. She did not want to miss a second of this lesson, especially if it meant another chance to touch Saidar. Her bright blue eyes were happy and wide when Aureli opened the door. Thayett curtsied with an eager smile and hurried to a seat at the back of the room, central to the board. She found herself next to the other girl from Andor again. Myrrhi her mind recalled. Thayett smiled shyly at the other girl as she sat, but she didn't look up to see if the other Novice had noticed.

 

Aureli began the class, and Thayett wriggled to the front edge of her seat. A pair of novices snuck in after the Accepted already begun, and Thayetta looked down and the Aureli gave them a pointed look. 'Why in the Light would you be late?' she wondered. The Accepted began again. She gestured to the names on the board.

 

"Whose names are these?  Why are they all written onto the board?"

 

 

Thayetta knew - she had just read about them yesterday, and those names were as freshly imprinted in her own mind as they were on the board in front of her. And probably always would be. As much as she was proud that she knew, Thayett did not speak. Aureli continued.

 

 "Every single one of these names represents an initiate of the White Tower who burned themselves out, never able to touch Saidar again, the ability forever taken away by their own foolishness." Thayetta shuddered. Burnt out... never to touch Saidar again. Oh, how touching Saidar had changed her perception of the world.

 

"...Taking on too much of the Power without proper training and guidance can be very dangerous, sometimes deadly.  It could be from drawing too much of Saidar before you are ready, or trying a new weave you may have heard of before recognizing the consequences if something were to go wrong... Aes Sedai and even Accepted may call you children, but when you are away from us, you are responsible for your own actions.  We cannot hover around you all day every day to make sure that nothing goes wrong.  You are responsible for this gift.  The choice is always yours....Now.  Before we move on, I'd like you to copy down each name on the board.  Keep them with you as a reminder of why the White Tower has such stringent rules."

 

Tears in her eyes, Thayetta wrote each of the names from memory, without a single glance at the board. Never again to touch Saidar... Thayett drew a deep breath and vowed she would never risk losing something so precious.

 

"Today's lesson is on control.  When you channel, you must be in complete control of yourself and of Saidar.  We will practice a technique called 'Pushing and Pulling.'  This involves taking hold of Saidar, then pushing it as far away from you without losing it.  This will help you if you do lose control and Saidar becomes too much to handle, and it is a good technique for linking, which you will learn more about in your studies as an Accepted. Do you remember the last lesson?"  Aureli's voice took on the same calm, hypnotic quality that it had at the end of the first lesson, before they touched Saidar. Thayetta all but wriggled in her seat in anticipation. 

 

"I'd like you to imagine the rosebud again.  Imagine the delicate petals around you and the sun just beyond.  The petals fold back and the sun's warmth fills you."  And Thayetta did, until the little white rose in her mind had absorbed so much heat from the sun that it burst into petals full of delicious, basking flame.  

 

"As you are bathing in the sun's warmth, a cloud passes between you and the sun, very slowly."  Thayetta struggled, she did not want a cloud blocking out the source of heat for her flame. The Accepted's voice became more forceful, and despite how wonderful it felt to be directly linked with Saidar, Thayett complied. She would not become one of those names on a board. She would do her best to learn and control whatever she could, so that she could embrace - be embraced by - Saidar for the rest of a very long life.

 

 "As the cloud passes, gently push Saidar away from you, but maintain your hold.  Don't let it get away.  Again, as slowly as it moved in front of the sun, the cloud now moves away, and pull Saidar back.  If you pull it back too quickly, it will hurt."

 

Thayetta imagined the cloud filtering out the strength of the sun's rays. She felt the flames of the rosebud flicker back towards the source. She let them flow, and as the cloud parted with the warmth of their approach, she pulled back, gently, slowly drawing Saidar and her firey flower back towards herself. The glow surrounded her once more, completely enveloping her in light and love and calm... and strength.

 

"Very good, please release Saidar.  Some of you are a bit faster than others, but don't let that discourage you.  Just as we are all individuals, the One Power sees us as such, but that does not mean one is better than another.  The speed in which you learn means nothing at this point, and has no correlation to your potential."  

 

Thayett sighed, audibly for once. Letting go of Saidar was no easier this time than the first.

 

"Now.  Let's try that one more time, to be sure everyone has it.  Practice helps."  

 

Thayetta grinned and with her big blue eyes wide and shining, coaxed her little fire flower back - and away - and back again.

 

"You all did wonderfully.  If you have any questions or concerns, I will be here a few minutes after class.  Now, this exercise is harder than the last one, so please get some rest.  But don't let that rest be an excuse to miss your next chore or class.  I will see you in the next lesson."

 

Thayett felt a weary heaviness wash over her when she released Saidar. The class was over, there would be no more embracing the Source today. Instead it would be straight back into to chores and study, this time with heavier limbs from the extra effort she had expended. Until tomorrow morning, and the next introductory lesson. Suddenly in a hurry for today to be done with, Thayetta packed up her things and left to finish off the last of her chores - pot-scrubbing in the kitchens - as quickly as she knew how.

Edited June 20, 2014 by Cass