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#21 Red2111

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 06:33 AM

Tynaal the light bulb one was great!!!
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#22 Alanna

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 01:21 PM

I know, I loved that one - I tweeted it :D

The WOT list is hilarious too! Favorite points - 2, 4, 6, 8 :tongue:

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#23 Red2111

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 07:29 AM

i'd say our GL is an "even" sort *cracks up laughing at herself*
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#24 Tynaal Consen

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 07:36 AM

i'd say our GL is an "even" sort *cracks up laughing at herself*


ROFL>. it's so lame.. but so funny :tongue:

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#25 Red2111

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 07:46 AM

i couldn't pass it up hehehehe i'm just glad someone else got the pun. i have this odd habit of crcking jokes that i only understand and other people go :huh: at
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#26 Tynaal Consen

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 08:02 AM

i couldn't pass it up hehehehe i'm just glad someone else got the pun. i have this odd habit of crcking jokes that i only understand and other people go Posted Image at


Me too!!!

And it kills me :(

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Edited by Alanna, 25 March 2012 - 07:38 AM.

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#27 Vambram

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Posted 16 June 2011 - 08:16 PM

Two Phone Lines



The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone. Not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone.
So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing.
Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser.
"Why are you using our telephone?" he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?"
"I can't," she said. "I'm expecting an important call on my phone."
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#28 Kate

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Posted 24 June 2011 - 04:10 AM

Here's my attempt with some Aiel-ish humor...

What's the absolutely most confusing number in the world? Thirty-four.

*fast Maiden hand-talk--cackling with laughter*

#29 Sakaea

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Posted 24 June 2011 - 08:47 AM

:unsure:
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#30 Kate

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Posted 24 June 2011 - 10:42 AM

*even more laughter* Posted Image





*whispers* psst...you're supposed to be confused.

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Edited by Alanna, 24 March 2012 - 08:01 PM.


#31 Vambram

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Posted 24 June 2011 - 06:05 PM

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,
'Kin ya swallar?'



The woman shakes her head no.


Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'


The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.


His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind LickManeuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
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#32 TinaHel

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 05:44 AM

I have laughed so much when I read your jokes. I wish I could come up with an aiel joke but I´m not good at jokes. So here is a wetlander joke.

Four wealthy men sat in a gentleman´s club. They were bragging about their sons.

The first man said: My son is a very successful broker. He is so rich that he recently could by his mistress a luxurious house.

The second man said: My son is a very successful car salesman. Recently he gave his mistress an expensive car.

The third man said: My son is a very successful stock broker. Recently he gave his mistress shares worth a fortune.

The fourth man said: Well, I don´t know about my son. He is just a hairdresser and on top of that he is gay. But he seems to manage anyway. Recently he got a big house, an expensive car and shares worth a fortune from his lovers.

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#33 Genevieve al'Thor

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 09:22 PM

hahahhah hahahah!!

tina! its priceless:)

ok.... here goes


knock knock (on the wise ones tents)


who's there?


Rand.

Rand who?

The bloody Car'a'carn! can I come in now??

not untill you learn some manners! one does not knock on a Wise Ones tent! you shook the entire thing sheepherder!


sooo.... that was my attempt....
Music I heard with you was more than music,
And bread I broke with you was more than bread;
Now that I am without you, all is desolate;
All that was once so beautiful is dead.


Your hands once touched this table and this silver,
And I have seen your fingers hold this glass.
These things do not remember you, beloved,
And yet your touch upon them will not pass.

#34 Vambram

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Posted 29 June 2011 - 04:57 PM

hahahhah hahahah!!

tina! its priceless:)

ok.... here goes


knock knock (on the wise ones tents)


who's there?


Rand.

Rand who?

The bloody Car'a'carn! can I come in now??

not untill you learn some manners! one does not knock on a Wise Ones tent! you shook the entire thing sheepherder!


sooo.... that was my attempt....




*chuckles with a grin*

Thats a good one, Genevieve. Posted Image


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#35 Vambram

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Posted 29 June 2011 - 05:00 PM

Top Ten Winners of International Pun Contest


The ability to make and understand puns is considered to be the highest
level of language development. Here are the 10 winners in the International
Pun Contest:


1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed
per passenger."


2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says,
"Dam!"


3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.


4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other
says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."


5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.


6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."


7. A woman delivers a set of identical twins and decides to give them up
for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."
The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later,
Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've
seen Ahmal."


8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
"persuade" the friars to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did
so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.


9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him (Oh, dude, this is so bad, it's good ...) a super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

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Edited by Alanna, 25 March 2012 - 07:39 AM.

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#36 Vambram

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Posted 29 June 2011 - 05:01 PM

I have laughed so much when I read your jokes. I wish I could come up with an aiel joke but I´m not good at jokes. So here is a wetlander joke.

Four wealthy men sat in a gentleman´s club. They were bragging about their sons.

The first man said: My son is a very successful broker. He is so rich that he recently could by his mistress a luxurious house.

The second man said: My son is a very successful car salesman. Recently he gave his mistress an expensive car.

The third man said: My son is a very successful stock broker. Recently he gave his mistress shares worth a fortune.

The fourth man said: Well, I don´t know about my son. He is just a hairdresser and on top of that he is gay. But he seems to manage anyway. Recently he got a big house, an expensive car and shares worth a fortune from his lovers.




I laughed my butt off when I read this, and then I read it to my wife here at home, and she loved it also. Great joke, Tina. Posted Image


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#37 TinaHel

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Posted 30 June 2011 - 12:11 AM

Thank´s. I have heard it somewhere, most likely from my mum. She loves jokes - the dirtier the better.

Your last:

Nr 3 - the kayak.


LMAO!!!

Ji awarded up to here -- Alanna

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#38 Vambram

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Posted 05 July 2011 - 06:27 PM

That Bee Stung Me!!!




A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain. "Please, doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee!"
"Don't worry," says the doctor. "I'll put some cream on it."
"You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."
"No, you don't understand!" answers the doctor. "I'll put some cream on the place you were stung."
"Oh! It happened in the garden behind my house."
"No, no, no!" says the doctor getting frustrated. "I mean on the part of your body the bee stung you."
"On my finger!" screamed the man in pain. "The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts!"
"Which one?" the doctor asked.
"How am I supposed to know? All bees look the same to me!"

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Edited by Alanna, 24 March 2012 - 08:00 PM.

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#39 Aiel Heart

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Posted 07 July 2011 - 07:29 PM

Here are two jokes that I once heard my uncle tell. The first one is pretty difficult to get, but I will explain it upon ending both jokes.

1) One day, a wet-lander man decided that he would add a chimney to his house. He finds a design which calls for 99 bricks, and asks his near-brother to help him build it. The company they order bricks from can send the bricks in either packages of 100 or 15. Naturally, they buy a package of 100. They build the chimney, then stare at the brick trying to decide what to do with it. The near-brother, demonstrating the genius that is known of wet-landers, picks up the brick and throws it up into the air above his head. Suprisingly, it goes very high. Then it comes back down and he catches it. The wet-lander decides that he will try to duplicate this feat. He takes the brick from his near-brother, and tosses it up. His throw also goes very high. He too catches it when it comes back down. His near-brother wants to do it again. He throws it up... It goes high... Into the clouds... And it doesn't come down.

Once again, hard to get but it will be made clear in a moment.

2) Once, a man and a woman were sitting across the aisle from eachother in a airplane. The woman had her little yappy dog on her lap. The man was smoking a large cigar and the smoke from it was swirling everywhere, causing the woman and her little dog to have trouble breathing.
"Please, sir" she asked "won't you put that out? My poor little dog can't breathe"
"Ma'am," the man replied "I'm allergic to dogs, so your little pest is causing me some discomfort. I will put out my cigar when you throw your dog out the window."
Naturally, she says no. A little war between them starts. She pets her dog so that his fur goes in the mans direction and the man blows smoke toward the woman and her dog. Soon the dog is coughing a pathetic little dog cough, the woman not much better off, and the man beginning to get a rash from where the dog's fur had touched him.
"Ok!" She finally exclaims "I'll throw my dog out the window if you throw your cigar out the window!"
"Ok, on the count of three. One... Two... Three!"
The plane is magiced or something so that everything in the plane doesn't get sucked out when the dog and the cigar go out the windows.
Miraculously, the dog somehow landed on the tip of the plane and managed to stay there. What did he have in his mouth when the woman looked out the window at him?

Ok. Let me guess, you are saying "the cigar!"

No.

It's the brick!

Now we're back to the beginning.    -       It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too    -    Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger    -     'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you     -       No need to say goodbye 

Leelou's Warder....Volke's Shar'Dar....Sunshine's Souvra....Nyan's Muer'Shen


#40 Kate

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 02:20 PM

While reading Winter's Heart last night, I noticed one of the Wise Ones made a joke about the men, saying "We are not clan chiefs discussing water-pledges over oosquai." So, I figure the wise ones probably often make jokes at the clan chief's expense. Thus, here are a few one-liners turned Aielish:

"The wise ones speak when they have something to say, the clan chiefs speak when they have to say something."

"Few wise ones admit their age; few chiefs act it."

"A roofmistress knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, and fears.
Her husband is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house who occasionally hide his spears."


:biggrin: