CotL news reporting.....

[Nynaeve]

I accidentally stumbled upon this (it's from 2007). It's a piece I wrote for the Horn once, this sort of monthly newsletter Mystica used to head for the Band social group. I thought it was funny so I figured I'd share. :)

 

 

 

Welcome to the hot white news! And no, this is certainly not a broadcast about Galad. Though, wouldn't you wish it was? Those broad shoulders. Those white tights decorating that firm behind. Those hard muscled legs. And that tutu dress. Oh, the tutu dress.... There are many things to be told about Galad, but one certain thing is that no one can pull off the nut cracker better then that chap. I kind of envy those nuts. Wouldn't mind him cracking me some too.... >.>

 

But ANYWAY....A corpse was found today in the middle of the court yard in the Fortress of the Light. The murderer was apprehended and after a thorough investigation it was determined that the murder wasn't affiliated to the dark side, so naturally, no one cares. The killer was released to continue killing and pillaging after he promised to do it in the light's name.

 

Bob the rat, an infamous messenger of the shadow, was finally captured by Kara and Shamaeso, two new recruits. It seems Bob was caught in the middle of his afternoon siesta and was quite distraught to be interrupted in the middle of his beauty ratty sleep. He is currently suing the Children of the Light for emotional scarring and racism, claiming they just hate him cause he's black (rat).

 

Josh, a Child of the Light, has claimed that The Fortress of the Light should be shortened to The Fortress as it is not actually made of light. The rest of the Children have complimented him for the smart observation from his part and proceeded to decapitate him, hoping his head would be put into better use. No affiliation to the dark side was mentioned.

 

In the upcoming week it is going to be rather cold and rainy. The Children of the Light foresee it as a bad omen and are preparing for the long winter. There seems to be a massive number of men CoL and a minority of women CoL. A loooong winter indeed. They're currently stocking up on playboys and strawberries. And a new dress for Galad, but hell, that boy can make anything look good :D

 

Sam, a 2nd Lieutenant, was found flipping through one of said magazines and commented: "These objects we are acquiring are to clean evil from the streets, nothing more. There is no personal profit here. Our only interest is.......oh, boobies!....". The interview was interrupted at this point when the CoL ran off to his bunk. I didn't manage to get any more responses in the matter.

 

That is all for now. See you soon with some more CoL saucy news!

 

 

 

 

Nyn