Surrender? Never!......Never? (attn. Cema)

[claireducky]

Gianna hiked her skirts up and made her way through the halls, not quite stomping, but close to it.

 

A small voice inside her head told her that she was very close to flouncing. She pushed it aside angrily. I am NOT flouncing...just walking heavily. Ignoring the incongruity of the thought, she continued on her way to the Green quarters.

 

Her destination was partly the source of her irritation. The majority was her own misgivings about her abilities. Gianna had not yet touched the True Source, despite near 6 months in the Tower. While she had progressed steadily in other areas of learning, she was falling steadily behind other Novices when it came to saidar.

 

Gianna's mentor Elyssa had all but washed her hands of teaching her at this point. And Gianna couldn't blame her. The Blue had been working with her every day of those 6 months, with hardly a step forward.

 

What am I even doing here...I will never be Aes Sedai...

 

Elyssa had thought that a change of teacher might help Gianna break through. So today she was going to her first lesson with her new teacher, Cemarillinin. She did not know much about the Green sister, except that she was legendary for being a taskmaster and had broken some of the toughest Blocks that wilders could throw at her.

 

Not that I am one of THEM, of course...

 

Like many Tower-trained women, Gianna held wilders in disdain. Although she reflected that at least the wilders in the Tower could TOUCH the source, whereas she could not. It was hopeless.

 

Gianna came out of her reverie to the sound of practice swords smacking together in rhythm. She looked up to realize she was in the Green Ajah quarters already. A couple of Warders were sparring in a common area with bundles of wood lathing. Gianna knew that the practice swords could not cause real harm, but a blow from one would leave a stinging bruise later. She had seen her brothers sparring with them enough as a child in Cairhien.

 

She continued on past them, lest she be called out by an Aes Sedai for dawdling in the hall.

 

Elyssa said the third door on the right was Cema's.

 

Gianna counted off the first and second door, and stopped in front of the third one. The dark wood was carved ornately with roses, thorns, and two crossed swords. The swords were lacquered with enamel, as they were on all of the other doors. Many of the doors differed in the color of enamel. Gianna wondered what it signified.

 

Before she could do more than raise her hand to knock, the door flew open in front of her. An Aes Sedai stared down at her intimidatingly. Gianna realized her hand was still poised to knock, and pulled it down quickly, her cheeks flushing. She tried to cover her surprise by dropping a quick curtsy.

 

"I am Gianna, Cemarillinin Sedai. Elyssa Sedai sent me to you for instruction today."

 

The words tumbled out in a rush as she watched the Aes Sedai size her up with an arched eyebrow. She felt as if those fierce chestnut-colored eyes were boring a hole into her.

 

Gianna was surprised at her own meekness. Being raised in a royal House meant that arrogance came more naturally than bending her neck an inch. Elyssa had sent her more than once to the Mistress of Novices for failing to show proper respect.

 

What was it about this raven-haired beauty staring down at her that changed that? Something about this woman had stilled Gianna's haughty nature and immediately replaced it with the courage of a mouse.

 

As she waited for the Aes Sedai to speak, she could not help but wonder what she had gotten herself into.

 

Gianna

[Liitha]

Cema let her fingers find the loose strand of hair hanging down into her eyes and brushed it behind her ears. She couldnt belive it been passed a century since she was raised to the shawl. Though looking back it had not been everything she had dreamt of, sure she had gained the shawl, after an initiation persiod. But even then she had found herself having to obey elder sisters, and it had been years for her to reach the stage she finaly could do a litle like she herself really wanted without sceaming how to avoid her olders.

 

A smile curved her lips, now she where by all definations considered among more of the veteran of her kin, and she had learned a lot in the past century. The thougths having her in this mindset was the letter infront of her from a younger sister. A blue at that, she could just barely put a face on the woman, someone young enough not to even have entered the ranks of intiates while cema was one. Now having problems with a mentee who seemingly had problem grasping saidar, though not a wilder so surely not that kind of block. Cemarillinin could but wonder where the problem lay.

 

It didnt mather, she had no patient with noncense and she had been stuborn herself as a novice, it had shown she had a skill with these girls who goten ideas into their heads.

 

As she heard someone stop outside her door she could but asume it was this girl. Opening the door with the use of air as she moved over to take a closer look on the girl, though Cema was not very tall herself she had no problem making others feel she where looking down on them, she never had it came with her upbringing and where only strengthened by her long life experience and having the tower ways ingraved in her bones.

 

She watched the child drop into a curtesy, though her cheeks where flushed and if cema didnt know bether the girl migth be surpriced about something.

"I am Gianna, Cemarillinin Sedai. Elyssa Sedai sent me to you for instruction today."

 

Cema let the stillness rule another few moments, "So I see, well enter then child." Turning on her heels she walked into her room, the walls where decorated with batlescenes, two katanas hung over her fireplace, a memory of a lost friend. The room in all ways where ordely giving of a feeling of strictness, no cloter or dust, she wherent fond of any mess.

 

As much as posible she also had the fabrics in the room mainly consist of skins, it gave her a feel of nature. Siting herself down in a chair she made no motion for the girl to sit as well, instead she focused on making herself a cup of tea before turning her attention back on the child siping her tea.

 

"So what seem to be the problem child, not listening to your elders obviously aint, so tell me what is. And dont bother coming with any excuses I have bether things to do then to waste my time on foolish girls, so the sooner we can get done with this the bether."

 

She of course already had done her background study, the girl where from a cairhien noble house. Normaly she where quite haugthy and would display noble like nature, however now she seemed awfully quiet, time would tell why.

[claireducky]

For a long moment, Cemarillinin Sedai continued to study Gianna upon her threshold. To Gianna, the moment seemed to stretch into an Age before the Aes Sedai finally said, "So I see...well enter then, child."

 

Gianna dropped another hasty curtsy and entered the Green's rooms, while Cemarillinin closed the door firmly behind her. She scanned her surroundings; it seemed Cemarillinin had rustic tastes in decor. There were animal furs, both on the floor and stretched between pegs on the walls. She wondered if they were all animals the Aes Sedai had hunted herself at one point or another.

 

Before she could do much more than look around the room, Cemarillinin herded her towards a chair. The Aes Sedai sat opposite, and studied her intently again a moment before asking, "So what seems to be the problem, child? Not listening to your elders obviously isn't it, so tell me what is. And don't bother coming up with any excuses; I have better things to do then to waste my time on foolish girls, so the sooner we can get done with, the better."

 

Gianna shrunk lower into her chair while Cemarillin talked, if it had been possible, she probably would have melted into a puddle on the floor. The woman's eyes seemed to drive awls into her, pinning her in place.

 

Her voice cracked when she began to speak, so she cleared her throat and started again.

 

"I cannot hold saidar, Aes Sedai. I go through the Novice exercises....River Containing the Bank, Rose opening to the Sun, but none of them work for me. At least, I can sense the warmth of saidar in the distance, but when I reach to grab it, it slides through my fingers like grains of sand. May I show you?"

 

She looked up from her hands at the Aes Sedai, who nodded her consent. Gianna took a deep breath, let it out, then fell into a relaxed pattern of breathing. She imagined herself a river, energy flowing strongly, yet contained by the bank. That meditation led to picturing herself as a rose, petals opening to the sun. A blazingly bright sun, warmth falling on her upturned face.

 

The warmth increased, radiated towards her. Gianna knew she was poised on the brink of success, and excitement and impatience overtook her calm. Instead of surrendering to it, she strained to reach out and catch hold of the light. But much like trying to catch sunbeams, saidar would not stay in her grasp. Just as quickly the warmth fled, leaving Gianna frustrated to the point of tears.

 

"You see, Aes Sedai? I cannot grab on to it. That was the closest I have ever come yet....and it still was a failure."

 

Gianna dropped her head into her hands, elbows propped on her knees. It was hopeless.

[Liitha]

The novice seemed to shrink from Cemarillinins lecture, and the fact became aparent to Cema that this one had been allowed a lil to much leeway if there where to be any truth in the rumors she had heard, cause the girl seemed to be meek enough at the moment.

"I cannot hold saidar, Aes Sedai. I go through the Novice exercises....River Containing the Bank, Rose opening to the Sun, but none of them work for me. At least, I can sense the warmth of saidar in the distance, but when I reach to grab it, it slides through my fingers like grains of sand. May I show you?"

 

Cema sipped her tea and nodded, observing the girl over the rim of the cup. It was seafolk porcelain, the delicate patern of green streaks was something that she liked. After some moments there where a sligth wink that imidiatly died.

"You see, Aes Sedai? I cannot grab on to it. That was the closest I have ever come yet....and it still was a failure."

 

Frowning Cema sudenly understood what the troubles where. Opening herself to saidar took but a moment, she focused her weave of air towards a self and draged out a heavy old bowl of stone. Far to heavy to be moved by one person on its own, walking into her bedroom she got the mug of water she kept in there and entered her living room again. Pouring the huge bowl full of water she turned to the novice.

 

"Very well i got some letters to write, meanwhile i want you to puzle out how to pick this water out of the bowl. I dont mean just a handfull, i want you to hold all of it in your hands at the same time, so that the bowl is empty. And please child dont mess up my floor with the water, i dont want stains on it." She walked over to her desk diging out some paper and a pen.

 

"Tell me when you are holding it so i can come see it before you put it back in the bowl. You will go on with the exersice till its dinner time then you can go for dinner but you will return her afterwards, if you cant get it today then you will return in the morrow. The moment you figure out how to hold all the water in your hands is the moment you will understand how to hold saidar. Feel free to ask me questions if you need but i will not give you the solution."

 

With that Cema turned to her desk again starting a search for a quill and some sand.

[claireducky]

Gianna looked up from her hands at the sound of a heavy object being dragged. Cema had brought a large stone basin into her sitting room. It was almost a cauldron, squat and thick. Gianna pursed her lips, wondering where this would lead.

 

The Aes Sedai went back into her room and brought out a pitcher of water. She poured it into the basin, and the splashing water left a droplet or two on Gianna's face. When the water was poured, Cema set the pitcher aside and looked at Gianna for a moment. Nodding thoughtfully, the Aes Sedai gave her instructions.

 

"Very well, I have some letters to write, meanwhile I want you to puzzle out how to pick up the water out of this bowl. I don't mean just a handful, I want you to hold all of it in your hands at the same time, so that the bowl is empty. And please child, don't mess up my floor with the water, I don't want stains on it."

 

She turned away from Gianna, heading into another room of her quarters. After a moment, she popped her head around the corner of the doorway, and added,

 

"Tell me when you are holding it so I can come see it before you put it back in the bowl. You will go on with this exercise til it's dinner time then you can go for dinner but you will return her afterwards. If you can't get it today then you will return in the morrow. The moment you figure out how to hold all the water in your hands is the moment you will understand how to hold saidar. Feel free to ask me questions if you need but I will not give you the solution."

 

Then she disappeared behind the doorway again, and Gianna was alone. She turned toward the stone basin, and studied it thoroughly. It appeared to be just what it was, and no more. Desparately, her mind raced for a clue to the puzzle. She would not spend all night trying to figure this out.

 

There has to be a trick to this....an Aes Sedai's puzzle would never have a straight forward answer...

 

She tried to think around corners, and logically like a White would do. Perhaps she could remove the water into another container, one light enough she could hold it.

 

No, I am to hold it in my hands...the water itself, and not another receptacle.

 

Gianna dismissed that possibility and continued to brainstorm. Hours passed as she sat and stared at the basin.

 

I could pour it over myself...the fabric would soak it up....no, that won't work...perhaps I could...hmmm.

 

Finally the Novice could take it no more. She practically stalked into the other room where Cema was bent over a writing desk, working on some letter or such. Frowning, she turned towards Gianna.

 

"Well, child?"

 

Gianna took a deep breath. She was stumped, and no matter of time would help.

 

"I do not know the answer, Cemarillinin Sedai. It is impossible to hold that water, unless I were to drink it all until I bloated up like a waterskin. Which isn't really holding it, anyway...."

 

She trailed off, abashed and wishing she knew the answer to the Green's puzzle.

 

"It is impossible."

 

 

Gianna

[Liitha]

Sudenly she where disrubted by the sound of feets and Cema looked up after finishing the last sentance, looking at the child."Well, child?"

 

The novice drew her breath, and then it came just as Cema had expected. "I do not know the answer, Cemarillinin Sedai. It is impossible to hold that water, unless I were to drink it all until I bloated up like a waterskin. Which isn't really holding it, anyway...."

 

Cema waited for the novice to finish her sentance, "It is impossible." Cemarillinin nodded, "Well well what do we see, you aint all that stupid afterall, of course its imposible, just as imposible as grabing and holding saidar. The rose excersise teaches you to open up and let saidar come to you, to fill you, to bring you life, not for you to go to the sun, a rose cant go to the sun, its stuck on the ground through its roots, and the sun is high up on the sky, but it can reach down to the rose with it beams."

 

She waited a moment to let it sink in, "If you ever tried swiming in a river with much stream then you know its of no use trying to swim upriver and figth the river, you can not cause you are not strong enough, instead you can surender to the stream of the river, let it drag you along while you focus your eforts on controling where you are going, so through surendering you gain control. In other words child stop trying to figth the source, you can not grasp it and you can not hold it, only open yourself to its power and allow it to come to you, only then will you be able to direct it. Now think on this will you and stop wasting everyones time, cause if you keep trying to grab the source forget it its as imposible as holding that water out in the stone basin and you will never be able to do it, never!"

 

Cema looked sternly on the girl, "now unless there is something more you may go."

[claireducky]

After Gianna told Cemarillinin that the task was impossible, the Aes Sedai went on a tirade of sorts.

 

"Well, well. What do we see, you ain't all that stupid after all, of course its impossible, just as impossible as grabbing and holding saidar. The rose excersise teaches you to open up and let saidar come to you, to fill you, to bring you life, not for you to go to the sun, a rose cant go to the sun, it's stuck on the ground through its roots, and the sun is high up on the sky, but it can reach down to the rose with it beams."

 

As the Aes Sedai went on, Gianna began to get angry. It was as if the woman was trying to incite her into doing something.

 

Stupid?! Who said I was stupid?!

 

She opened her mouth to speak, and the Aes Sedai continued her speech, rolling right over the top of anything Gianna had to say. Gianna could almost feel the steam coming out of her ears as she listened.

 

"If you ever tried swiming in a river with much stream then you know it's of no use trying to swim upriver and fight the river, you can not cause you are not strong enough, instead you can surrender to the stream of the river, let it drag you along while you focus your efforts on controlling where you are going, so through surrendering you gain control. In other words child stop trying to fight the source, you can not grasp it and you can not hold it, only open yourself to its power and allow it to come to you, only then will you be able to direct it. Now think on this will you and stop wasting everyone's time, cause if you keep trying to grab the source forget it. It's as impossible as holding that water out in the stone basin and you will never be able to do it, never!"

 

The Aes Sedai practically shouted the last words at her. With visible effort, she schooled her self to sterness and turned to Gianna.

 

"Now unless there is something more you may go."

 

Gianna fumed. She could not believe the woman's attitude. The nerve! Against better judgement, she launched into a tirade of her own.

 

"You mean to tell me that you had me waste the better part of a DAY staring at that stone basin for nothing? You set me to a task, KNOWING it was impossible? Well, I tell you, Cemarillinin Sedai; I don't like having my time wasted. I came here to learn, not to be yelled at! And all that drivel about swimming and roses going to the sun..Pfft!"

 

She began to open herself to saidar as she spoke, to prove Cemarillinin had been wasting her time. As she did, her voice continued its increase in volume. By this point, she didn't care that she was yelling at an Aes Sedai.

 

"If it was as easy as that, just surrendering, I surely would have figured it out long ago. Just watch, you will see it won't wor--"

 

Gianna cut off with a gasp as the warmth she had surrendered to flooded into her. Saidar filled every nook and cranny inside of her, and the ecstacy of it made every other thought fly out of her head. She looked at Cemarillinin, astonished. The Aes Sedai had a satisfied smile on her face.

 

Just then, Gianna remembered the tirade she had just launched at the Green, and all thoughts of saidar left her just as quickly as they came. She lost her grip on the source, but the remembered feeling still gave her shivers. She turned to Cemarillinin, shame-faced.

 

"Very good, child. You have taken the first step on a long journey towards mastery of the Power. However exciting that is, it does not excuse your attitude just now. You will report yourself to the Mistress of Novices at once. Perhaps she can remind you that you are not in your father's mansion anymore."

 

Nodding, Gianna fled from Cemarillinin's rooms. Tears streamed down her face as she ran towards the Mistress of Novices' study. The MON would surely make her howl for how she acted, but that was not the source of her tears. She had finally touched the Source. She would be Aes Sedai.

 

She wept for joy, and she ran.

 

 

 

OOC: Cema, thanks so much for helping me with this!

[Liitha]

Cema patiently lilstened to the tirade untill it came to an adrupt end as saidar flooded into the novice, she couldnt help but smile.

 

"Very good, child. You have taken the first step on a long journey towards mastery of the Power. However exciting that is, it does not excuse your attitude just now. You will report yourself to the Mistress of Novices at once. Perhaps she can remind you that you are not in your father's mansion anymore."

 

The novice fled her rooms, and Cema smilingly turned back to her reports, the time hadnt been wasted, it had been needed to give the novice the insigth to join their ranks, it was as simple as that. The months that she had used trying to grasp saidar on her own where the wasted ones and could have lead to her beeing put out, to few made it through these days, but the tower didnt fail easily and at least this one now got a chanse to make it through.