Asmodean says: askthechosen has hijacked my character* Dear Asmo – would you do me a favour and be a little funnier – you’re ruining my reputation.

Dear Imposter… Great Lord, you’re gorgeous! It’s about time I found a beauty equal to mine! Too bad you’re me, though… -Asmodean

Kam2112 asks: Who killed Asmo?

Answer: *balefires Kam2112* I’m not dead!

OAFaye asks: Asmo,why are you so awesome?

Answer: ‘Tis because of the Shadow! Join us, and you shall be awesome, too! -Asmodean

Mr_Zurkon asks: If no one has killed Asmodean, Mr. Zurkon would like to know if HE can kill Asmodean.

Dear Mr_Zucker, No. Go play with a Trolloc. -Asmodean

nelalhurcran asks: So who was in the closet?

Answer: Sammael and Demandred. It was… so wrong… It scarred me for life… -Asmodean

brittonyhodgins asks: Asmodean, whats your favorite food? and What do you miss most about the age of legends?

I’m a big fan of stir-fry, actually. Odd, since I was actually a vegetarian in the Age of Legends. That was for appearances, though.  Everyone was a vegetarian, then. The thing I miss the most about the Age of Legends? I miss the music. There was far more that we could do then that is lost to you mortals now. Every time I try to revive it, though, it seems that nobody is interested. -Asmodean

jaxor asks: Asmo, The Dark Side has cookies- what do the chosen prefer for their afternoon snack?

Answer: Doritos. -Asmodean

nelalhurcran asks: What do you use to write your compositions? Any special program, or just tried and true ink on paper?

Pen and paper is the only way to do it. Computers have no soul, no emotion. True emotion is found when you write for yourself. -Asmodean

ragallegos asks: How upset were you at Lanf..Spelling for making that shield against you to prevent you from channeling too much.

Well, I have to say I was a bit irritable. However, look at her. She’s so pathetic without her little Lewsie-poo. -Asmodean

The Impostor asks: Dear Asmo-Me, I will balefire Asmo-Myself, just to be rid of that crazy voice in the back of my mind. *Points*

That’s not really a question, but I have one for you. Why destroy such beauty, such perfection. Would we not be better together? -Asmodean

ragallegos asks: Any particular kind of Doritos? I personally like the original ones. No modifications for me thank you very much.

You know, not really. We eat whatever Shadar Haran decides to buy. Fortunately, we convinced him to stop buying Taint-flavored. -Asmodean

Mr_Zurkon asks: Trollocs are too stupid for Mr. Zurkon. Mr. Zurkon prefers pompous harp players.

How about a pompous “musician” period? I hear Miley Cyrus is in town. -Asmodean
gmreynoldsjr asks: Doesn’t all this Balefiring worry you that, you know, you might unravel the whole thing?

Dear GM Goodwrench: Have you not seen our mission statement? Break the Wheel? Remake the Pattern? This ringing any bells? -Asmodean

Graendal asks: Did you ever get revenge on Lanfear for the shielding incident? No matter how pathetic she is, you have appearances to keep.

Ah, nice to see you, Grenny! I actually dyed all of her clothes black. Figured it would help with her whole “emo” attitude. -Asmodean

Grenny replies: Nice to see you too! I doubt it helped much. Nothing will help her eemo attitude but getting Lewsy-poo back. *gag*

No kidding! When you have to wipe your eyes with a sponge, then you might be a little too obsessed. -Asmodean

nelalhurcran asks: Why don’t the Chosen do a podcast? There’s an open market for WoT themed podcasts right now.

I’ll tell you why: getting us in the same room is akin to bringing a torch into the dynamite shed. It wouldn’t be pretty. Besides, the… … censors would never be able to keep up with Sammael. -Asmodean

LiterateKnits asks: Dear Asmo, apart from Balefire, how do you convince a bad singer to stop singing and never sing again?

I did this a few times in the Age of Legends, actually. I would start by tearing out their tongues with the Power, then burning their larynx to ash. Then I’d murder their families, just because. I wouldn’t recommend doing that, though. People ask questions. -Asmodean

jaxor asks: When a member of the chosen is brought back, do you get to renegotiate your contract for a better rate, and better insurance?

Great Lord, no! When we’re brought back, we’re fortunate if we’re even allowed to keep our old gender! The Great Lord does not tolerate failure, and dying is seen as a failure. It’s always a fine line with Him. -Asmodean

purplekittybear asks: Do you ever miss your time of instructing RaT, and do you miss his company? Does its loss make you lonely at night?

Dear Choking Kitten, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That shepherd never stopped whining! I’m glad to be rid of him! -Asmodean

brittonyhodgins asks: My husband refues to read WOT cause he says it will take him 6 months. How do you respond?

Compulsion is generally a good way to go in situations like this. If you can’t channel, then threaten to start removing parts. -Asmodean

The Imposter opines: That’s just sick – even for me. Answer: Get your mind out of the gutter! You’re a musician, not Lanfear! -Asmodean

Graendal asks: What if the Great Lord turned you into a Saiden wielding woman? Or a Saidar wielding one with a terrible voice??

Being a woman could be interesting. Might offer a new view on composing. One who couldn’t sing? I’d kill myself. -Asmodean

kam2112 quips: not to mention a whole new world of entertainment possibilities.

Kam, music is satisfaction unto itself. I’ll leave the hedonism to Balthy’gar. -Asmodean

kam2112 replies: What not even a little Rock Star in you?

None at all, Kam. The motto of the rock star is, “Live fast, die young.” My motto is, “Live forever, kill the flotsam.” -Asmdoean

LiterateKnits asks: I’ve got another for you: How dull was Stupid StupidHead (RaT)’s taste in music? How often did you play March of Death?

The shepherd had no taste whatsoever. He couldn’t appreciate a musical joke, a tone poem, or anything that wasn’t likely to make him… “harder”. And please, let’s keep the Balthy’gar thoughts to a minimum here. He had me play that bloody tune every 2 minutes! -Asmodean

jaxor says: Under the circumstances, it might be a good idea to get a new philosophy

Why? With all the no-talent “musicians” in this Age, I’ll be entertaining myself with their deaths for years! -Asmodean

kam2112 retorts: yea but then you get a Keith Richards

It’s a little known fact that Keith Richards has, in fact, been dead for about 20 years. All the drugs have turned him into a cognizant zombie, though. It’s a bit sad, actually. The poor creature only wants to rest, but the drugs make him keep putting on shows. -Asmo

Portalstones asks: Ever do anything controversial to raise your evil-musician cred – like punch a cat for the sound effect?

Yes. My most evil contribution to music: “Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down,” et cetera. -Asmodean

Chosen:
if you could be anyone else in the world who would you be, and if you  were forced to be a different chosen, which chosen would you be?
(insert name here)

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Dear Blank

Why on earth would I choose to be anyone other than myself? I’m tall, my legs go on forever, and people leap to obey my every wish. If they know what’s good for them. And if they don’t, I get to have lots of fun with them. It’s a win-win situation.

If I was forced to be a different Chosen (obliterates the fool for not capitalising that), it would be … sorry, nope – can’t think of anyone.

Semi

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Dear personwhoshallnotbenamed,

I’m curious about why you felt the need for anonymity when submitting this question. You better not be Sammael again, fishing for compliments. (Not like he’d get any).

As much as I hate to say it, I agree with Semi on this one. I can’t think of anybody else I’d rather be. I have power beyond measure, the cunning mind of a man and the curves of a beautiful woman’s body. The world is my oyster.

If I was forced to be a different Chosen….I guess I’d have to choose…anybody but Asmodean. Probably Lanfear, because I have gotten used to staring at a pretty face in my mirror and that would be hard to give up. She’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but oh boy, those HIPS!

Bubbles and Beheadings,
Balthamel

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I am Demandred, I am superiour to every single person in the world. So why the bloody hell would I ever want to be someone else?

If I were to be another Chosen, I would probably be Asmodean, and do what that pathetic little creep does not have the courage to do, a proper suicide. If that is what it takes to rid the universe of his whiny little “songs”, I will make the sacrifice.

/Dem

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You,

My answer will always be revolving. That answer is: Any Chosen who is currently ahead in the game of World Domination. If that happens to be me, then so much the better. Unlike some of these other crazies, I lean toward the practical.

~Moghedien (for now).

---

Dear unnamed person,

I’m sure you chose to remain completely anonymous because of so many people submitting silly names, but let me tell you that it did not truly work in your case. Sometimes not saying anything at all is just as bad as saying stupid stuff.

To answer your question, I can’t imagine being any of these people. Their vices all annoy me. Whether it’s an addiction to lackluster music or a lackluster man, especially when that man is himself, I find it all menial and a waste of time. I would much rather just knock off a few of these precious people and ensure my rise to the top. My only problem is trying to decide which to hit first.

Regards,
~Messy

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If I could be anyone in the world, I would be the Nae’blis, of course. Which I shall be, when the time is right.

As to which other Chosen I would be… there are none to compare to me. The men want me, the women want to BE me. I’m the total package.

-Lanfear

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I am the Nae’blis, all the other Chosen (and soon all the world) will bow down to my will. I do not need or want to be anyone else, and cannot be forced into the role of one of the other petty Chosen who are busy scheming for my spot of power.

You, nameless, would be better off as a dung heap, as then at least the Aiel could use you to keep themselves warm in their ever-hot wasteland.

– Ishamael

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Dear Nobody,

You frigging kidding me? I’m already living in this dog of a body that is known as Dashiva. Although… if I could steal Lanfear’s body, then maybe we’d finally be rid of her whining over that Lews Therin idiot. *ponders and goes off to his lab to work on some ideas*

Agi

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That’s right, for those of you that don’t know, the Chosen have a Twitter. And we use it. Check it out here:

http://twitter.com/askthechosen

We decided to start a more or less weekly feature where on Friday you can ask questions live of one of the Chosen on Twitter. I got to start the shindig off this week. Here is the transcript of the questions and answers we received, for your reading pleasure.

Q1: If you had the chance to become Nae’blis and Rand Al’thor was about to take it away from you,what would you do? -GD

GD: RaT wouldn’t know being Nae’blis from a hole in the ground. I’d focus on taking out the other Chosen so that when he inevitably blunders, I could cast him down and take Nae’blis with no competition. THAT’s how you win, kid: take out your “peers” first.

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Q2: So, Aran’gar/Balthamel which bathroom do you use do there at forsaken hq? -@Patrick1389

@Patrick1389: Good question! It really depends on a few factors: which bathroom Sammael has most recently occupied, if Semi had any of her “friends” over the night before, and if I’m feeling like it’s a “standing” day or a “sit down” day. Ta! ~Aran’gar/Balthamel

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Q3: If you could rule any Randland country or organization from now until Tarmon Gaidon without any interference from Light-sided people which would you choose and why?

A: Interference is what makes life interesting, though, cause then I can crush the source of it like a worm beneath my stiletto heels. But if I HAD to choose, I suppose the Atha’an Miere would be acceptable. Hot ladies with no shirts and I could be a pirate! Yay pirates!

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Q4: If Dem had a crush on you, how would you feel? – @JeffEdde

Let’s see-Disgusted, Nauseated, Loathing, Revolted, Antipathy, Sickened, and Enraged with the intensity of 1000 white-hot suns.Clear enough?

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Q5:where do you stand on the whole public option health care thing?I’d assume you’d be in favor of the death panels speficially.@Patrick1389

Well you know what they say about “assuming”, minion, and you’re the only ass I see around here *grin*.I support public health care; it will provide easy infrastructure for mass poisonings and the like after the Day of Return when we take over the world. Enjoy your kool-aid.

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Q6: Which do you like more: your lady parts or your man parts? Some one had to ask!- @small_fox

I love them all! I have the cunning mind of a man and the beautiful body of a woman, without the ’side effects’. I’ve always said you can’t trust something that bleeds for 7 days and doesn’t die; and thank the Dark, the Great Lord spared me that curse.

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Q7: Which one one of you killed Asmodean? It’s not request, it’s my will that you answer! (he said, with a black aura)- @lanmind

Woh, @lanmind, buddy..you need to get that aura thing checked out man; it’s really gross looking. Could be the big “C”. As to your question, I can’t speak for the rest of these preverts, but it wasn’t ME. I have much better looking men to chase into closets than Asmo.

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Q8:All very high faluting questions, but what I want to know is … who spends the most time in the bathroom, and why?-@ElgeeSedai

Hmm, it really depends on what everyone’s been up to and what was for dinner. Recently it’s been Lanfear; she accidentally plucked out her eyebrows worrying over her “Lewsie-poo” and now spends HOURS trying to draw them back on just right with a Sharpie.

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Q9:Do you think ianmind picked up that dark aura after a night with Dem and just hasn’t had a chance to pick up any antibiotic?-@Patrick1389

Possible, although I’d pick Ishy/Moridin as the more likely suspect. I always thought his “craziness” was likely caused by “the french pox”.

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Q10: Does being bad ever get you down? Do you ever find yourself cuddling a little kitten and questioning the meaning of it all?-@small_fox

Even a Chosen gets lonely. We all have our things we prefer to cuddle; I’ve got men, Sammael has his shoe lifts, Dem his sword, Asmo his harp, Lanfear her autographed picture of LTT, Agi has his sheep, and Semi–well, Semi likes Ferrets. It’s true! Sad, gross, and true.

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Q11: If you could kill all but one of your “coworkers,” who would you let live? -@purplekittybear

@purplekittybear(what a sickeningly cute name!), that is easy.I’d pick Graendal cause she’s hot like me, and she lets me borrow her streith.

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There you have it; the first ever Live Q&A session on Twitter with one of the Chosen. Let us know what you thought of it, and if we should continue wasting our time answering you pathetic lightfools in real time each Friday. Don’t forget to send questions into us at askthechosen@gmail.com.

Twitterings and Tongue-Piercings!
~Balthamel

Every Friday for #FF (Follow Friday) on Twitter, one of the Chosen will be answering your questions live; just send them @askthechosen during the specified time period, and be sure to follow them so you can see all the responses, too! After the event is over, the transcripts will be posted here for your enjoyment!

Check out http://twitter.com/askthechosen for more details!

Dear Chosen,

I noticed that the power the Dark One has promised violates the policy behind the rule against perpetuities. Essentially the Dark One is trying to convey way beyond a reasonable amount of time. Even if he succeeds, you will not be givin power as the conveyence is to far removed in time. Of course you could try to fit into the exception by donating your power, should you win, to charity if you can be catagorized as charities yourselves and since that is a stretch I think your all fairly much taking nothing. As descendents of what is to be taken, far removed and easily catagorized as ‘remote’ how then shall you proceed should you win the last battle, so that you may gain and keep your powers and property? Also, should the Dark One try to claim “what is rightfully his” he will likely lose on a claim of adverse possession on all the land. How will you overcome such a claim? Lanfear, have you considered suing Moraine for assult? Asmodean, how would you fill out the first page of a complaint for a suit of an intentional tort? Lastly, if the Dark One wins and you lose your powers as against the rule of perpetuities and the DO loses (even if he wins) based on a theory of adverse possession, will you sue him for breach of contract or quantum meruit?

S.R. Mean

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Dear Meanie,

My first thought while reading this question was: Have you heard of spell check? I hear it’s all the rage these days. You should look into it. Probably wouldn’t hurt to pause and learn the difference between to and too, either.

My second thought was: Do you really think the Dark Lord gives a damn about rules? Breaking rules is so commonplace on our side of the line that we barely realize we’re doing it, anymore. Rules are for sissies.

Now, I did notice your habit of throwing big words into your questions, to which I can only assume you are trying to stump us with what you would consider wit. Frankly, I think it makes you sound rather pompous. You might want to look into that, as well.

As for how I plan on keeping my powers and property, I believe even Mr. Jordan, himself, had to admit to my abilities to handle the land under my control. I don’t see any reason to change what is effective. Believe me, once we win this silly “Last Battle,” I’ll make sure you have a front row seat for the show.

I should also point out that, in the unlikely event that our side loses, we’ll all most likely be dead. Thus, taking the Dark Lord to court seems rather impossible, wouldn’t you think? On the same token, I feel the need to point out that when someone hands you power, it’s probably a bad idea to sue them. Not because it’s bad form, but merely because if he’s got the power to give to you, then he’s got more than you can dream of.

Plus, how much tort do you suppose a jury panel of our “peers” would award us, whether we win or lose the bloody thing?

~Mesaana

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*stares blankly*

I’m gonna let the rest of you sort this one out; I had some legal problems regarding my new identity as a woman and legalese makes me all confused and frustrated. And when I get frustrated, I balefire stuff.

I’ll be over there. *points vaguely towards the bar*

Lawsuits and Lemondrops,
Balty’gar

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There there, Balty dear – let me give him … I mean it a shot:

01000100 01100101 01100001 01110010 00100000 01010011 00100000 01010010 00100000 01001101 01100101 01100001 01101110

01001100 01101111 01101111 01101011 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101110 01100110 01110101 01110011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 01101111 00100001

01011001 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01110011 01101001 01101110 01100011 01100101 01110010 01100101 01101100 01111001

01010011 01100101 01101101 01101001

(hint: the last bit said “Semi”)

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Since the Great Lord represents an Evil far beyond what your limited mortal intellect can ever dream of, he will obviously appear in this world as a lawyer. And I dare you to find a judge with the courage to rule against the Great Lord.

Hehe, a judge with courage…

/Dem

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Mr. Mean

We abolished the Rule against Perpetuities back in the Age of Legends. Typically we follow a cy-près doctrine for such matters, but since this involves taking over the WORLD, all legal and ethical statues, laws, and any other kind of ridiculous jargon your inane mind might come up with is thrown out the window. Obviously.

I hope that answer made about as much sense as your question.

~Moghedian
Rules Perpetuity

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Assault? That so called Aes Sedai is dead. But if I ever had the chance, I would make her RUE the day she laid her hands on me. *looks down* All THIS is only for my Lewsie Wewsie…

-Lanfear

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I am the law, I have absolute power. What do I care about your block of text that you are sending me? I have better things to do with my time than learn a bunch of legal stuff that will soon be invalid when the Great Lord of the Dark breaks free of his prison anyways.

– Ishamael

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Dear Crackhead,

The only conveything I’m interested in is the conveyer belt on which you will find yourself shortly after the Last Battle. Your odacity in believing that we would be held by any mortal’s ‘law’ is laughable. There are not enough braincells in the world to let you comprehend the enormity of what our power will be or the range of our reach. So you just spend whatever puny time you have left convincing yourself that the law will save you. We’ll speak again when you are properly chained to my Table of Ultimate Creations.

Osi

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Dear Chosen,

As startling as it seems, I could use your advice, even Asmo’s. My friend is kinda trapped in a relationship going nowhere, as she sees it. Yet, she also feels like a part inside of her will break and die if she dumps her boyfriend. She keeps asking me what she should do, and having never been in her shoes before, I really have no idea how to say anything nice. I have used a lot of different things that come into my head; however, most of them just avoid making any serious decisions for her. So basically, she is having a crisis and as her best friend, continues to ask me what to do and for advice. I am running out of nice things to say, and I doubt she will continue to buy the ‘I really don’t want to force my opinions on you’ much longer.

Ready to lose it,

Mooseygirl4

P.S. It is a lot harder than it looks to be supportive of your friend’s relationship, be there when she needs you, CONTASTLY, and say nice things about your best friend’s boyfriend when you don’t care for him at all.

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Dear Moose’s Girl

Mostly, I don’t understand your question – you’re joking with us, right? I mean, why would you say nice things about people, even if you did like them?

I’ll leave this to Graendal to answer – I hear she does feelings.

As for some practical advice: “she also feels like a part inside of her will break and die if she dumps her boyfriend”. That’s easy (though what her problem is with that I’m not sure) – she needs to let him down gently instead of abruptly dropping him. That way, nothing will break off and die.

Ever helpful
Semi

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Moosey:

You need to make it clear to your friend that you aren’t the one who should be making this decision for her, which is what her constant requests for advice really are, when you strip the bullhockey away. Tell her that regardless of your opinion or anyone else’s opinion about the situation with her boyfriend, that SHE is the one that needs to make the decision. She needs to grow up and put on the big girl pants instead of foisting this problem off on the people around her because she is incapable of acting on her own. Let her know that she needs to make up her mind and get it over with, and no matter what she decides, you will still support her in that decision. And if that doesn’t work, hire Lanfear to come steal her boyfriend away. She needs all the male company she can get since Lews Therin ignores her recently.

Giggles and Guillotines,
Balty’gar

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What is this thing with you pathetic people of this Age allowing your lives to be controlled by your childish feelings? If someone does not live up to what is expected of him, throw him away and be happy about it. Or just kill him, I have heard that some people do not take break ups very well, and might stick around to cause trouble for you. Or what do you say, Lanfie?

Dem

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This is why I don’t let women make decisions, they’re inevitably bad. But since you lack the ability to compel your friend mooseygirl you’ll have to use a different tact than I would. Namely, stay out of it, women have been making bad decisions in men since the Age of Legends. For instance, Sammael was actually quite popular with the ladies of my day…

I know, hard to believe looking at him now. The best thing you can do is let your friend live her life, and be supportive of her without becoming a crutch. That’s the problem with friends, which is why I don’t really keep any around. And you can be a friend to her without having to say nice stuff about her boyfriend.

Let me tell you a story. There once was a great man, we’ll call him Rahvin. And he supported and worshiped the Great Lord of the Dark. The Great Lord had this bad habit though of picking horrible people to surround himself with. Rahvin, our hero, continued to worship the Great Lord, and support all of his efforts to break the wheel and fill the land with blood and fire. He did take time to note to the Great Lord; however, that Ishamael was a crazed lunatic, and Sammael a simple minded athelete, Demandred an overproud…well, you get the idea.

You and your friend are more than welcome to hear the rest of the story later, we’ll make it a bedtime tale.

Chosen for a reason,
Rahvin

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“Even Asmo’s”? “Even Asmo’s”? “Even Asmo’s”?!

Lightfool, you will die for that arrogance.

On a more serious note, how does this person know that they’re ‘in love’ with the fool in question? From what I’ve seen since waking, the word ‘love’ is thrown around far too much with far too little meaning beyond, “I want to nail you.” My advice would be to do some soul searching. Is it really love, or is it a passing fancy complicated by lust? If so, then there’s no real firm foundation upon which to build, and you’re pretty much doomed to spectacular failure.

Granted, if it is just for the booty, and that’s all right with all involved parties, gimme a shout, and I’ll provide a mix of tunes that are sure to please.

And, before I forget… *channels a fireball* … run, Lightfool.

-Asmodean

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Dear Moosey,

Since you properly addressed the tiny dancer that is Asmo, I will answer your question, rather than focus on how silly people are in this age.

The best way to handle your friend is to let her make her own mistakes. She’s going to drive you crazy talking about it. She’s going to cry her eyes out when it goes South, because you know it will. The best thing you can do is tell her your opinion, be prepared for her to argue and then refrain from saying “I told you so” when you’re proven right. That last part is probably the hardest of the lot. Best of luck there.

~Messy

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Rahvin,

That sounds a lot like the story of Satan and Saddam Hussein those modern “Bards” Trey Parker and Matt Stone tell in their “South Park” cycle of tales. Are you practicing copyright infringement again?

Moosey, a word of warning: any “bedtime tale” told by Rahvin will end up with your clothes disappearing along with your free will. He is rather crude in his…seduction methods.

Machetes and Merry-go-Rounds,
Balty’gar

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Antlers,

What I want to know, is if your friend wants you to control her, why aren’t you doing just that? I control people all the time, and they don’t like it. If I had people constantly coming to me, asking me to run their lives…well, I wouldn’t really be evil, would I? If your friend can’t make up her mind, then make it up for her. If she can’t match her socks, then take care of that too. If she’s chubby, put her on a diet. Really, it’s like your second chance at life…only it’s happening at the same time. If you aren’t sure about a certain food, make her taste it first. Want to see how that nailpolish looks? Make her wear it. Not sure about that dark alley? Well…you get the idea, I presume.

Truly, I do not see why this is such an issue. Find the weakness, and use it to your best advantage. Friendship is overrated anyway.

Not yours,
Moggy

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He has most assuredly NOT been absent. He’s just… away. For a bit. But he’ll be back!!

As to you, Moosey, tell your friend to dump the loser. She doesn’t want him, you don’t like him. He needs to get gone. End of story. She can find another one without any problem. Men are easy to get. You just walk past and their tongues hang out… then you take your pick.

-Lanfear

Dear Chosen,

Let’s assume for a moment that someone wanted to pledge their undying loyalty to one of you.  Yours to command.  A perfect tool for your use against the Dragon.  What qualities do you possess that might make you a good Master or Mistress?
Fellas, I have to tell you.  I’m more inclined toward the female of the species.  Except Lanfear and Semi.  Too beautiful and too kinky.  But, I could be persuaded assuming the rewards are of a substantial enough nature.
Therefore, why should someone swear loyalty to you?  And no answering a question with a question, like “What makes you think I’d choose you?”.  I think we all know that you guys need all the help you can get.  Answers should be in English rather than the Old Tongue please. Try to keep up with the times.

Yours (maybe, if the price is right),

Gaelen

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Let’s also assume (for a moment) that your question actually deserves for me to come out of my very posh semi-retirement to answer it. It doesn’t, but we’ll assume, because you seem the type of chap who enjoys hyperbole and hypothetical, and who am I to ruin your day eh? After all I’m just one of the thirteen most powerful channelers of this (or any) age. While you’re a no name afterthought by the wheel who’s attempting to peddle his rather limited capabilities like serving the Great Lord is akin to selling bottled air on Ebay. I imagine that any one of my brethren (or brethrenette’s (wait ten days, then google it, I have that kind of power over language)) foolish enough to debase themselves and beg for your services (without naming names…Asmodeon) would find that your claim to be ‘A perfect tool for use against the Dragon’ would only be half correct. Still, you asked direct questions, naive as they are, and I will provide direct answers…

Dear Perfect Tool,

The master needn’t have any qualities that appeal to the servant, such is the relationship betwinxt the two. I will say none of my female underlings have any complaints. And the rest seem loyal enough for my purposes. Why should someone want to swear loyalty to me? The answer to that is obvious, of all those relevant to the discussion I am the greatest(period) I will be Nae’blis, and I will rule the world under the Great Lord for all of time, those I choose to bring with me will be amongst the highest of the high, and will own the world. If anyone needs more of a reason than that… well, that’s what compulsion is for.

And by the by Tool, I lived in an age where Sho-wings graced the sky and Jo-cars roamed the streets of some of the greatest cities that have ever existed, the technological marvels of my day would shatter your tiny mind; whereas your finest …towns have roads decorated with horse feces. So I think keeping up with the times is something I’ll leave to you.

Chosen for a reason,
Rahvin

---

I think you missed a few strands when dyeing your streak there, Rahvie.

If you’re made of the right stuff, worm, you might be able to squirm your way into the lowest echelons of my followers. But, if you do prove yourself worthy, you’ll find a package of benefits that none of my brethren can match. Art museums, concert halls, all of these would be free for your perusal. You would get a vote in the monthly ballot of talentless hack composers, the ‘winner’ of which dies a very spectacular and public death for your entertainment. You’re less likely to be fed to the Trollocs than if you served Sammy, Aggy, Demmy, or the gender-confused Aran’amel. Those regions under my dominion work, and they work better than any of my colleagues. Call it the organized mind of the composer.

On top of that, you get free dental, a free eye exam every two years, great medical benefits, and a pension to die for. On top of that, if I ever find you wanting, I offer a killer severance package that nobody can refuse. Just ask my mother…

-Asmodean

---

Dear Gaelen,

Since I know you’re a cylon (I’ve seen the show, you’re not fooling me! Music in your head, indeed!), I have to say that I am not begging or pleading for your loyalty. In fact, I have a rather lengthy application and trial period to become one of my minions. I think the better question is what are you willing to do to prove you’re good enough to be among the favored few who will become my loyal followers?

Since apparently you don’t know how to address your betters, you’re going to have to be pretty convincing to get my approval. Don’t worry, though. I have schools for that, too.

~Mesaana

PS, I feel I must explain the hidden message in dear little Asmo’s response, since his… what does he call it? Organized mind? tends to ramble.

When he says:
On top of that, you get free dental, a free eye exam every two years, great medical benefits,
What he really means is: he’ll be happy to find some hack who was playing the mandolin last week to check your teeth and eyes after practice and he knows a good quack doctor or three who will claim they’re taking care of you.

when he says:
and a pension to die for.
What he means is: No, really. You have to die to get it.  However, since you can’t take it with you when you die, it’s really not going to do you any good, anyway.

When he says:
On top of that, if I ever find you wanting, I offer a killer severance package that nobody can refuse.
What he means is: if he doesn’t like you, he’ll sic one of his cute little assassins to sever something important, thus, helping you earn that pension.

And, frankly, Just ask my mother…

I always wondered what happened to her. I thought you said she moved to Palm Springs?

---

Dear Gae

If you serve me, you will NOT suffer more pain than you can possibly imagine for more years than you thought a human being could live.

… Naah, just kidding. I’m all for equal opportunity – I torture servants and non-servants equally. *grins*

You’ll probably still enjoy it more than being forced to listen to Rah Rah blathering on.

Semi

---

Dear Tool,

If you serve me loyally, without screwing up, I will reward you by not killing you. I will not dismember you just for laughs. I will not make your mother mate with a goat. If you really stand out, I will not even make you listen to Asmodeans attempt at music.

I recognise competence, and those of my subjects who show enough of that will get fed daily. After every battle, those who performed in a way that meets my standards will be allowed to loot as much as they can carry. With me being the greatest general in history, victory in all battles is guaranteed.
Those who do not meet my standards will get the choice between being given to Semi if she needs new toys, or ending up on the trollocs menu.

/Dem

---

Oooh can I have him for a new toy, Dem? Can I? Can I?? *bounces and bats Dem*

Oh wait that should have been *bats EYELASHES AT Dem*.

Graendal, can I have another lesson in that thing you do? The … what’s it called again? Flirting?

“I can do flirting” Semi

---

Easy there, lady, no play until he has actually screwed up. If I get a reputation for giving away my servants for no reason, future hiring will be a pain, and I have better things to do than worrying about getting good slaves. And by slaves I of course mean loyal servants.

/Dem

---

Dear Useless,

What qualities do you possess that might make you a good Master or Mistress?
Irrelevant. With compulsion you will adore me either way.

Why should someone swear loyalty to you?
Also irrelevant. Do you honestly think I trust anyone’s words of loyalty? Evil is as evil does. Eventually you will try to betray me. This is where the Compulsion comes in.

~Moggy
(Likes to Compulse)

---

*laughs throatily* I’m too much for you, aren’t I?

I wouldn’t want a servant with no… spine, anyway.

-Lanfear

---

Moggy dear, it is Compel, not Compulse. Did you start your career of skulking in the shadows to stay out of school?

/Dem
(Likes to nitpick. Not so sure about picking nits.)

---

*snorts indelicately*

Shouldn’t you be out…you know…having a temper tantrum or something?

~Moggy
(Likes to Compulse AND Compel)

---

Dear Tool,

Psh, I love the art of answering a question with a question. So my question to you, when determining if you belong in my collection of “tools” is, have you ever eased a badger?

Boils and Butterflies,
Aran’gar Balthamel.

The music theme for September in the Band of the Red Hand is “Best Guitarist”, which is part of our “Dream Band” season. There are a host of activities surrounding this theme, which you can find highlighted below.

NOMINATE YOUR BEST GUITARISTS
For the beginning of October, I am looking to you to nominate who you think are the best guitarists. Between 8 and 16 is what I am looking for, and those nominated will go into the “It’s A Knockout” contest to decide who takes the role of Guitarist in the Band’s Dream Band.
Nominate your guitarists in this thread

IT’S A KNOCKOUT
Once we have our nominations, there will be a “It’s A Knockout” thread to pick the winner and who takes the position of Guitarist in the Band’s Dream Band.

TUNE OR NO TUNE
As a result, for the following weeks, songs that have some of the best guitar playing will be picked for “Tune or No Tune”:

- Monday 5th October 2009 (2 threads)
- Monday 12th October 2009
- Monday 19th October 2009
- Monday 26st October 2009

If you want to nominate a song that you think has some amazing guitar playing in it for “Tune or No Tune”, please contact Corki by PM or email him at shen_an_calhar@hotmail.co.uk.

ORIGINAL vs. COVER
After the success this thread had in September, it will continue into October, but shall be scaled back. Each week, 2 songs will be posted for your to vote on. Also, if you want to run the thread for a week, please drop Corki a PM.
THREAD: http://forums.dragonmount.com/index.php/topic,47430.0.html

GENERAL THREADS
There will be a thread to discuss the great guitarists, and you can post clips of their guitar playing as well.

Corki
Marshal-General
Band of the Red Hand ORG Leader

That’s right, ladies and gents, it’s that time of year again! The Kin Org is celebrating our fourth annual Halloween themed P.O.K.E. Month and we invite you all to come play along! This year, our class offerings range from the silly to the supernatural, from the writers to the rafters, and from the front yard to the party tables! There are contests, discussions, classes and crafting guides… something for everyone! Come on in and join in the fun!

You’ll find the Orientation thread here: http://forums.dragonmount.com/index.php/topic,48450.0.html so make sure you stop by this thread before you go anywhere else!

Classes have begun, but there’s always room for you!

See you soon

As you may have noticed, there are some popular “social networks” floating out there on that thing called “the Internet”. Since Dragonmount is a giant community of Wheel of Time fans, it only makes sense for us to have a presence on some of the larger ones.

For that reason, we’ve created accounts on both Facebook and Twitter. Click the images below to be taken to those sites.

Hope to see you there!